[IELTS WRITING TASK 2]
IN SOME COUNTRIES, OWNING A HOME RATHER THAN RENTING ONE IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR PEOPLE
WHY MIGHT THIS BE THE CASE? DO YOU THINK THIS IS A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE SITUATION?
It is true that having the capacity to afford a house instead of renting one is tremendously essential for everyone in some nations. This is attributable to a host of reasons, and in this essay, I am going to prove that it would be an extremely positive circumstance.
There are two underlying reasons as to why people give priority to buying a house rather than renting one when it comes to accommodation. First and foremost, if a person had his own house, he could do anything as his desire in it without asking for others' permission. For instance, he might decorate the house with new ornaments, furniture or repaint the walls with his favorite colors. Furthermore, he can have that house equipped with cutting-edge technologies such as air-conditioners, washing machines or refrigerators, which is conducive to a more convenient and comfortable life. In case people are staying in a renting house, it is imperative to negotiate with the landlord about all the costs incurred and other problems related if they wish to have any change in the house. Another driving factor that results in people's inclination towards purchasing a house is its stability, especially when they prepare to settle down. It is undeniable that people can mitigate their concerns about paying the rental price each month as well as changing their accommodation when the rental contract expires.
I would contend that people trying to purchase a home instead of renting a temporary place is totally rational. Since once people harbour a dream of doing something significant, they will certainly stop procrastinating and apply themselves to reach their goal. As buying a house is not that straightforward, it is so rewarding for those who have the drive and enthusiasm. Even if people are poor at the beginning, after a long period of making money and saving it, they can eventually enjoy the feeling of owning a home. Moreover, when considering another perspective, their country can get benefits from a thriving economy as its citizens are contributing more and more for the sake of a lucrative income.
In conclusion, the sense of comfort and stability are to blame for the trend of owning a private home instead of opting for a renting one, and I am convinced that this phenomenon has a number of positive implications for both individuals and society.
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The IELTS Task 2 essays will never ask you about the truth of an opinion given in the discussion topic section. So you do not need to say that something is true in your opening sentence. That is because such a reference is not supported as a necessary explanation in the original discussion. Sometimes, such statements lead to prompt deviations, which is why students are advised to not say that something is true or false in the presentation. As for your thesis sentences, you properly gave a response to the second question, but you did not clearly represent the 2 discussion reasons for the first question. So your thesis statement is incomplete. A clear opinion is composed of the opinion and the reasons that support your statement. A clear thesis statement that responds to the questions provided, with only discussion topics rather than full discussions, will allow you to gain a better TA score.
The first reasoning paragraph has 2 filler sentences that did not help with the cohesiveness or clarity of the presentation. The first sentence just says there are 2 underlying reasons, that belongs in the thesis presentation, not the reasoning paragraph. Then, you counted out the first topic, but failed to use the "secondly" reference to clearly show a separate discussion topic. The second topic should have been a separate paragraph. As it is, your presentation is difficult to follow due to the improperly combined discussion.
Firstly, I want to thank you for giving me those comments.
Secondly, I want to make this clear. I learned the structure " it is true", so I think it has nothing wrong here. Moreover, in the second paragraph, I discussed 2 reasons and you pointed out my lack of the second reason. But actually, I use "another driving factor'' to replace "secondly", which made it harder to follow. However, I discussed both of the 2 reasons, and the paragraph is all complete.