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By age 24, 60% of bullies have a criminal record; Introduction/ Essay on Bullying

Jan 22, 2009   #1

To write a five-paragraph essay on the solutions of bullying as an individual, as a school, and as a community.


By age 24, 60% of bullies have a criminal record. Bullying has not only ruined the lives of victims, but the bullies themselves too. Students all over the world are verbally and physically assaulted by their peers every day. At school, bullies rip their victim's self-esteem to shreds while theirs is sky high. While bullying is seemingly impossible to defeat, it can be overturned. This is possible if parents get involved, students are taught how to identify and stop bullying, and if individuals stand up for and support the victims. These many solutions will most definitely bring bullying to its demise.

Jan 22, 2009   #2
The tone of the intro is really straightforward, nicely dramatized and definitely makes you seem like you know how to control those bullies
Jan 22, 2009   #3
"By age 24, 60% of bullies have a criminal record." Also, do you know that 92% of statistics are made up? If you are going to make claims like this, you need to cite your sources. Also, you might want to define "bullying" at some point. "Verbal and physical assault" seems to be your closest definition, but if every act of verbally insulting another counts as bullying, I doubt there is a kid in the world who could not be classified as a bully. You might want to add something about lack of provocation, how sustained the behavior is, etc. Also, is the essay going to focus specifically on how to stop bullying? If so, your introduction seems generally solid. If you are giving more of a general overview of the subject, you might want to focus a bit more on what causes bullying. In fact, if you believe that understanding the causes of something is necessary to stopping that thing, you might want to delve into that anyway.

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