Until what age people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment? IELTS

In some countries the average worker is obliged to retire at the age of 50, while in others people can work until they are 65 or 70. Meanwhile, we see some politicians enjoying power well into their eighties. Clearly, there is little agreement on an appropriate retirement age.Until what age do you think people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment?

Give reasons for your answer.
it is commonly understood that age requirement for an employee to retire varies from different countries and the type of work he or she undertake. Although, the average person may retire between the age of 50-65, some people enjoy their work into their eighties. I firmly believe that healthy employees should be allowed to remain in paid work as much as they are able to carry out their duties. Support for this opinion will be shown by analysing the type of work people perform and the fitness of an employee.

To begin with, it is felt that retirement age should be set based on the type of work one perform. Take mining jobs for example. it is commonly understood that jobs like mining, pilot etc require high attention to detail and physical ability to perform the work. It is obvious that a person in seventies with health problems will not be able to work in these environment as compared jobs in administration and community service. Therefore, retirement age should be determined based on the importance of work

In addition to the above, peoples suitability for a job should be agreed upon the performance. For instance, work performance record is a useful tool to assess the performance of an employee. If the record shows that performance of an employee has not weakened, he or she should be allowed to stay. This clearly points out fact that workers suitability for the job should be reflected on their performance. As such, people should be encouraged to work as long as they stay fit and healthy.

As the above, proves that age is not an important factor to determine whether a worker should allowed to stay on work. It is hoped that more people will choose to stay on work instead of retiring at an early age.

i think - age requirement for retirement would be better / he or she undertakes


as long as


performs


you used twice, it is better to avoid repetition


people's

I wish you align this line more with your prompt;


For the first question, you say you wish them to work as long as they are fit to work. Then finish the intro with the answer for the second;

I wish to present the reasons for my view in the following paragraphs;


pay attention to grammar;
one performs / they perform



These reasons prove that age is not the most important factor that determines whether a person should be employed or not.

Thanks Dumi and William :)