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IELTS Writing Task 2: 'ageing population' topic


YanSun 4 / 7 3  
Feb 2, 2013   #1
My goal: Writing 7 (Last time 6)

I will keep it up!
Hope that my writing is understandable to you. Sometimes, I write sentences which I feel good, but it turns out that people hardly understand them. Thank you so much!

I am especailly uncertain about some expresison in this essay:
1>Moreover, the demand for healthcare will rise significantly along with our body growing old,
2>requires lots more sophisticated doctors
3>In order to deal with the situation, the government has to act immediately.
4>it will be an instant remedy for the situation.

It is not unusual for many developed nations that the average age of population is over 70 or even higher. Although this is a cheerful thing to most of the people, it is unavoidable that too many elderly causes problems to working population and the society as a whole. In this essay, problems related to this issue will be illustrated, and some possible solutions will be given to conquer this increasingly severe situation.

As the average life expectancy increased, several related problems can be anticipated for the working population and the society as a whole. The main issue is that the shortage of work forces which support the development of industry and various businesses will prevent the nation from further developments. Many bosses will find it difficult to hire employees for their business. Meanwhile, majority of the employees are entering into the age of retirement. Therefore, the economic development will be severely affected by the situation. Moreover, the demand for healthcare will rise significantly along with our body growing old, which imposes titanic financial burden to the governments and requires lots more sophisticated doctors and nurses to take care of the elderly in the society. For those relatively poorer citizens, there is limited resource for them to take adequate medical treatment. Some of them will die lonely and tragically without proper health care.

There are several actions that governments could take immediately to solve the problems described above. Young immigrations from overseas will be an instant remedy for the situation. Many young foreign doctors and nurses are introduced to assist the local health care program where the number of local doctors is shrinking. In the meantime, young professionals from all over the world attribute their knowledge and skills to the development of the industry. At the same time A second measure would be for the government to encourage the advance of technology of various areas, especially the health science, which can improve the efficiency of the hospital and healthcare system. Elderly, as a result, will find their experience and knowledge more valuable in the society and continue to serve the nation for longer period.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 3, 2013   #2
Hi,
I think you write pretty good. So I thought giving my suggestions for different presentations of your ideas thinking they may help you during your practice sessions;

In this essay, problems related to this issue will be illustrated, and some possible solutions will be given to conquer this increasingly severe situation.

This essay is aimed at discussing several issused related with aging population and possible remidial actions that can be employed to address those issues.

As the average life is expectancy increased, several related problems can be anticipated for the working population and the society as a whole. The main issue is that the shortage of work forces which support the development of industry and various businesses will prevent the nation from further developments.

Increase in average life expectancy has a negative impact on the workforce in a society. Such workforces may contain too many older people and less young blood. This not only hinders employment opportunities of the youth but also can affect negatively for new developments and ideas.


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