the consequences of the longevity boom
In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individual and society? Suggest some measure that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations.
In recent decades, people in many countries around the world, especially those in developed countries, have enjoyed the longer longevity than ever. This trend, however, poses the burdens on society and individuals, which requires immediate actions from governments.
The increasing life expectancy translates problems to the workforce and healthcare system. It is obvious that the bigger the proportion of retired people who are eligible to pension payment, the smaller the number of working people who are the main contributors to social wealth and pension fund. This hinders the tax burden on working adults and the risk of pension fund deficit. Another difficulty is relate to the healthcare system. The existing healthcare facilities and workforce have become overloaded with the growing demands from the ageing population.
Various actions should be taken to address the issue. The first and foremost solution is to rise the working age. This would take advantage of the experienced and highly skilled elderly working people as well as prevent the risk of pension fund deficit. Secondly, law on childbirth should be enacted to encourage people to have more children. Finally, government may encourage immigration to make up for the shortage of laborers in certain fields. By doing this, the number of young adults can be increased and the economic growth driven forces can be maintained.
In conclusion, the longer life expectancy has lead to various drawbacks including the shortage workforce and the overload healthcare system. Therefore, government should take concrete actions in order to mitigate the aforementioned problems.
in addressing this prompt, you need to clearly state your opinion in first paragraph so that the examiner will easily follow your ideas. You also need to make a paraphrase from the prompt.
This is one of potential ways to develop your essay:
Paragraph 1. Introduction (including your position)
Paragraph 2. Main point 1 (your first reason), example
Paragraph 3. Main point 2 (your second reason), example
Paragraph 4. Main point 3 (your third reason or argument to another side), example
Paragraph 5. Conclusion
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To, this is a direct question essay. As such, you must offer an immediate discussion based on the instructions given to you by the original prompt. You are basically being asked to immediately outline your discussion for the reference of the reader. So the paraphrase should have been:
The modern world has seen a rise in the lifespan of the elderly. This causes problems with regards to the workforce and healthcare system. Some solutions that can be considered for the problem are related to raising the retirement age and increasing the pension for the retired elderly so that they can afford better healthcare. In this essay, a more detailed look at the aforementioned problems and solutions will be presented.
Avoid redundancies in your writing. longer and longevity both refer to the same thing which is an "extended period of time". Familiarize yourself with English words and their accompanying meaning so you can avoid repeating yourself in your presentations.
Your paragraph discussions are little developed and not well supported by facts or other data. It would be better for you to practice separating your discussion topics so that you can better explain what it is you want to impart to the reader. This essay feels truly rushed in development and doesn't really offer a clear discussion of the prompt requirements and your offered information. Try to be clearer next time.