Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Over the past few years, varied cultural events have no longer remained their spirits as most attendees join in just for their own excitement. I strongly comply with this view on the grounds that festive occasions are now more of a business than a religious preservation it used to be.
Admittedly, festivals attract a massive inflow of money. In other words, many travellers indulge in going on tours whose tickets include a visit to tribal villages since they are bored with normal sightseeing destinations, and those areas do allow incomers to enjoy their distinct long-lasting traditions. For instance, trips to far-flung mountains are especially engaged by wealthy families in Sai Gon who accept to spend immensely travelling to have a life-time opportunity to dance and play with the tribes during their commemorations. Therefore, it is money that significantly contributes to a serious loss of meaning of plentiful cultural events.
Furthermore, religious conservation is by no means a pivotal reason of organizing festive occasions anymore. In retrospect, attendees were from only surrounding neighborhoods, and they came to celebrate memorable achievements only; however, it is inevitable that those parities are now occuring so often that most members of a religion may feel such events dull and not special. It can also be argued that if festivals had not been increasingly organized, it would be too scarce for the tribe to meet one another and have tribal activities. On the contrary, people used to survive without losing cultures with the same frequency, so there is no reason why modern humans have to take part in more.
In conclusion, during traditional celebrations, people tend to enjoy themselves in lieu of remembering the true meaning. This is because earnings are of a greater necessity than protecting the traditions.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 The strength and strong scoring potential of this essay is in its ability to deliver the discussion as required. That means, the single opinion support through correct and cohesive reasoning paragraphs can be found within the presentation. This shows that the writer is totally familiar with the writing style required by the given prompt. The writer will definitely give better C+C considerations to these paragraphs.
When it comes to weaknesses, the essay makes minimal errors that will lower the final score, but will not result in a failing essay. The essay cannot fail because it meets the full discussion paragraph requirements. Some errors in the presentation include:
- Indicating a time frame which is not necessary since there was no mention of this in the original. It lessens the accuracy of the topic restatement.
- The writer's use of the English words are sometimes incorrect. It affects the clarity of thought and coherence of the discussion. Further sentence building exercises and vocabulary building should fix these problems. It is important to note though that the examiner will not be seriously confused by the sentence structure as he will still be able to easily guess what the writer is trying to say.
- The conclusion should be composed of 3 sentences. The writer forgot to reiterate his opinion as a part of the reverse paraphrase.
