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I do not agree to follow the same curriculum through all that period of time; GRE essay


Barrera77 1 / 4 1  
Mar 1, 2015   #1
Hi, it's being a long time since I have written an essay in English I'm a bit rusty, but I will have to take GRE Exam for my masters and I found some of the sample questions. Here is my answer to this question, can anyone help me to see if I'm in the right path? Thanks in advance.

A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college

Education plays a very important role in our development as part of the society as it helps us to create our own identity, to identify what do we like, what do we want, and what are we good at.

[...]
anthonynguyen 3 / 4  
Mar 2, 2015   #2
I would rephrase some. this is my own ideas. nothing is ensured to be right.
Education plays a very important/vital role in our development asa part of the society as . It helps us to create our own identity, to identify what do we like, what do we want, and what are we are good at. This process starts with preschool all the way to grade 12, where we already have formed our own criterion as well as having an idea about which role we do want to play during the rest of our productive lives. whether we decide to continue through college or simply choose a different path.

Therefore I do not agree/go along with the decision of makingforcing all of the students to follow the same curriculum through all that period of time. We humans are very different individuals since we all have our own very particular skills and capabilities, such as our own way of learning, our own way toof perceiving and expressing things. With this reasoning I mean that not all students have the same learning capabilities/methods nor the same interests and not all teachers use the same teaching methods nor having the similar backgrounds.

Although, I strongly believe that this process may be ideal until 9th grade as during this period of time is where we learn the basics of the education, for what I agree that it should be standardized but only until this point in time, and from then on everyone should be able to choose its / him or her own path based on each individual's interests and capabilities.
Zihni92 3 / 8  
Mar 2, 2015   #3
Hi Barrera,
after I read your writing, I want to ask you some questions:
1. It is IELTS writing task 2, as far as I know, we should write at least 250 words, why you just write by 243 words ?

2. is that the complete question?

A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college

3. I found that you write 2 verbs (do and want), is the word 'want' as a noun ?

This process starts with preschool all the way to grade 12, where we already have formed our own criterion and have an idea on which role we [do want] to play during the rest of our productive lives, whether we decide to continue through college or simply choose a different path.

4. I though that you write 2 subjects, we and humans, I suggest you write We as humans

[We humans] are very different individuals as we all have our own very particular skills and capabilities, such as our own way of learning, our own way to perceive and express things.

I hope you can help me to answer my questions,CMIIW

thanks you,

best regards
Zihni
OP Barrera77 1 / 4 1  
Mar 2, 2015   #4
Hey thanks a lot anthonynguyen for your suggestions I will revise it and make some of the changes you suggested, thank you!
OP Barrera77 1 / 4 1  
Mar 2, 2015   #5
Hello Zihni92 thanks for your reply.

1. I don't know if the IELTS includes that question, I actually got it from the GRE Analytical Writing Issue Essay.

2. Yes that's the complete question

3. I wanted to state the opposite of "don't want", but I guess you are right it doesn't sound correct, sounds a bit more like urban English

4. Well actually I was taking a look on the suggestions anthonynguyen made and "humans" doesn't make much sense there, I nee to make a little more research on that phrase, because my native language is Spanish and it makes perfect sense using it, but doesn't seem to be the case in English for this phrase.

Thank you for your comments!
Anfalia 40 / 56 23  
Mar 2, 2015   #6
Therefore I do not agree with the decision of making all of the students to follow the same curriculum through all thatover the period of time. We as humans are very different individuals as we all have our own very particular skills and capabilities, such as our own way of learning, our own way to perceive and express things(this word is too general, you need to specify it). With this reasoningBy this reason, I mean that not all students have the same learning capabilities nor(it's not appropriate conjunction to be put here) the same interests and not all teachers use the same teaching methods nor have the same backgrounds.

Although, I strongly believe that this process may be ideal until 9th grade as during this period of time is where we learn the basics of the education, for what I agreeas I mentioned so, that it should be standardized but only until this point in time, and from then on everyone should be capable of choosing its own path based on each individual's interests and capabilities.

Good Luck!!
OP Barrera77 1 / 4 1  
Mar 5, 2015   #7
Thank you for your comments Anfalia, I will definitely make use of all comments to better my essay.


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