Unanswered [66] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

IELTS Task 2: Agree- Disagree: Funding for wild animal protection

ladyMcc 1 / 2  
Apr 11, 2020   #1

Budget for projects to save wild animals

Topic: The protection of wild animals has cost a huge sum of money, and this money should be spent on projects related more closely to human beings. Agree or not agree?

With the development of agriculture and technology, the natural habitats of wild animals have been largely destructed by human activities. I agree with the view that government should allocate public funding for wildling reservations.

Firstly, there is a strong humane argument that lives are equal despite its species. As all earth creatures rely on natural resources, which are limited and non-renewable, we should respect and help each other in terms of survival. Moreover, human population has been doubled since the end of World War II, excessive cultivation has used up natural resources, such as clean water and fresh air, and forced wild animals to leave their homelands where they have inhabited for generations. Thus, humans are accountable for the dramatically decreasing number of wild animals and even their extinctions.

Secondly, maintaining ecological diversity can bring huge benefits to human society, or vice versa. Every creature does not exist in isolation, or in other word, we affect each other and restrict each other. A telling example is that bats feed on insects that are detrimental to crops and they serve as critical pollinators of seeds and fruits that we eat. Meantime, they can also be dangerous because living in humid and dark caves means that their bodies are able to carry thousands of viruses that could be fatal to human-beings. In fact, human could completely stay away from these diseases by not interrupting bats lives. However, the popularity of tasting wild animals has provided those viruses with opportunities to put people in danger. The latest alerting examples are Ebola virus and COVID-19, both of which are originally found in bats.

Some believe that government should spend money on projects more related to human. However, I would argue that the well-beings of wild lives are strongly linked to our daily life.

In conclusion, a reasonable amount of budget should be allocated to projects protecting wild animals, as well as other important social programs.

All comments are appreciated.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,250 4653  
Apr 11, 2020   #2
Your discussion has a tendency to go off tangent in relation to the discussion requirements. Your 2nd paragraph, in particular, was over discussed so it no longer stayed on topic in defense of the original prompt. Your first reasoning paragraph fared better in terms of defending your stance. It was somewhat on focus although it is filled with so much word fillers that you almost went off topic again.

Do not focus on writing too many words. Always stop at 290 words. Once you hit that magic number, you will have enough words typed so that you can focus on the important scoring considerations, the LR, GRA, plus C&C sections. At that number of words, you can focus on cleaning up your grammar and vocabulary errors. More importantly, you can review the essay for sections that lack clarity or stray from the original discussion. Editing these parts means you will get a decent score in this section once it is reviewed by the examiner.

You definitely have a problem with the LR section. That will weigh heavily on your points deductions because of your misuse of descriptive words. Some sample problems:

wildling reservations = animal reservations / animal sanctuaries / wild animal habitats (any of these words would have been a more appropriate description)

which are limited and non-renewable - Sources are limited but renewable. We will not run out of water, air, and food sources. The problem is that the demand is higher than the supply for some things such as water and food.

has been doubled since, redundancy when referring to past time frame.

Basically, the essay is only partly responsive to the prompt. It has a lot of problems in relation to relevant content, proper discussion, sentence structure and word usage. At this point, this is not an essay that will get a passing score yet. Hopefully I will see improvement that can lead to a passing score with your next essay. BTW, if you are not going to be taking the computer based test, try to time yourself properly. A handwritten essay with 321 words cannot be completed within 40 minutes.
Lam Trann 1 / 3  
Apr 11, 2020   #3
The government or only governments
It cannot be passive voice in sentence " .... doubled "
Wilding reservations: I am not sure about this
OP ladyMcc 1 / 2  
Apr 13, 2020   #4
Thank you Holt!
Thank you Lam Trann!
renezella 2 / 6  
Apr 14, 2020   #5
In my opinion, you should add more explanations and examples in order to prove your point view in 3rd paragraph.

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Agree- Disagree: Funding for wild animal protection
Writing Help?

Visit CustomPapers.com ◳

Visit GraduateWriter.com ◳
(GW10 - 10% discount!)