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Toefl - Do you agree or disagree? Leadership comes naturally: one can't learn to be a leader.


jasmine12 1 / 2  
Sep 10, 2019   #1

the gifted leaders



Leaders have a strong influence on people's lives, they can make their lives better or worse, destroy poverty or make people poor. Some people think leaders were born to rule and others think, everybody can learn how to become a leader. In my opinion, people can't learn how to become a leader and it's a natural matter.

Firstly, a leader should have charisma, and either someone has this quality or he hasn't, so, having the power to influence people isn't something to be learned. For example, in my country Iran, before the revolution, someone claimed that the king should quit and his kingdom is illegal. He stimulated people to go to streets and protest against the king. Normally, this wouldn't work out, but, that man had the charisma, everyone took his words as an order and they did whatever he asked them. As the result, he started the revolution and became the people's leader and threw the king out of the country.

Secondly, each person is borned with a certain kind of personality that differs from others and this personality can't be changed through studying. For instance, I'm a shy person and I wasn't a sociable person while I was a child, but, I've always loved to become a singer and when I watched American Idol on tv for the first time, I enjoyed it in a way that I promised myself to learn how to sing and become a star like the singers on the show. Therefore, I took some singing lessons, although I wasn't bad at it, but, there was something that wasn't just right; I couldn't express my feelings through singing because I wasn't able to show them because of my certain personality. As the result, I learned how to sing, but, I never became a singer. Therefore, a person can learn how to lead, but, he isn't going to be able to become a true leader.

In conclusion, being a leader requires charisma and a certain kind of personality that matches this role, so, just studying to become a leader is inadequate. However, there are many leaders in the world that aren't qualified and beside having these characteristics, leaders should learn about ruling and serve their people.

Maria [Contributor] - / 1,046 373  
Sep 11, 2019   #2
@jasmine12
Hi, dear! Welcome here. I hope this feedback becomes helpful for your writing.

First and foremost, you create quite unnecessarily lengthy sentences. Evade this as it does not assist you in writing more effectively. Rather, this only impedes on your delivery of message, making your work become overpowered by all of the complexity. As opposed to what is regularly being said or mentioned, it is more critical that you ensure that your message is being delivered. Simplicity is key here.

Take, for instance, the first paragraph that you have. While you had bold statements, it was unclear from the get-go what the intention of the writing is. Furthermore, if you take a quick glance at the first sentence of your paragraph, you had quite a complex statement that could have been brought down into a smaller content. I recommend that you should be extra cautious of these instances as to not confuse and rattle the readers with any insignificant details.

Bear in mind as well that, while placing a lot of examples is commonplace to be recommended, overwhelming your text with such would definitely put you on a tightrope.

Best of luck as always.


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