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I agree that mass media should arrange the publicity of celebrities


Ra_fhli 22 / 17 8  
Nov 17, 2015   #1
The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singer or footballers. They should spend more time reporting they lives of ordinary people instead.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


The coverage which is given by mass media lately leaning to expose daily life of celebrities such as actors, singer or footballers. However, they are rarely to report the ordinary people. It is argued that mass media should reduce reporting the celebrities excessively and raise the proportion of little-known people. However, I would argue that media has immense influence in order to change public perception, simultaneously also to educate society.

The presence of mass media today, it depends on how much public trust given to them. Thus, they have to maintain their content so as to retain its image. However, it is undeniable that media coverage brings the positive and negative side. In positive side, they tend to expose well-known people such as achievement from the actors or popular athletes so as to society will imitate their accomplishment. At the same time, they also frequently blow up negative side from the celebrities' behavior such as broken home or alcohol abuse. Definitely, it is really dangerous for fanatic fans are likely to follow their bad influence.

Therefore, I firmly believe that ordinary people have a thousand inspiring stories which is more valuable to spread, even some of them have become heroes in their communities. For example, Haryanto, a person who success to discover electricity in his own village by utilizing river as a main source. Because of his worthwhile striving effort, the occupants surrounded them have been able to use electricity. This certainly are more valuable to be published to the society since the main function of mass media is educated people more.

All in all, I agree that mass media should arrange the publicity of celebrities since some of them just more showing bad influence for society. Otherwise, ordinary people should acquire high proportion because society need educated channel

Kyonabelle 2 / 4 2  
Nov 17, 2015   #2
Hello there!

First of all, I'm not sure if you have a word limit, but if you don't, it might do you some good to provide good examples for celebrities who have been covered by the media so that your essay doesn't seem so one-sided from the get-go.

'However, they are rarely to report the ordinary people. It is argued that mass media should reduce reporting the celebrities excessively and raise the proportion of little-known people. However, I would argue that media has immense influence in order to change public perception, simultaneously also to educate society.'

Would you like to elaborate lightly more about why we'd rather look at celebrities than the average Joe? There must be a reason why we'd rather report about Ariana Grande's diet rather than my neighbour's heroic act to save puppies from a burning building and as a result died from his valiant attempt.

'The presence of mass media today, it depends on how much public trust given to them. Thus, they have to maintain their content so as to retain its image.'

It feels like your smoking your way through here. So what? What public trust? What kind of content? Be more specific.

'However, it is undeniable that media coverage brings the positive and negative side.'
Ok, this is a bit of a jump. It's like you suddenly remembered you needed to have a balanced argument. It might be good if you could ease your way into this bit. One way to do it is by keeping your paragraphs to the PEEL format:

Point
Explanation
Elaboration
Link
It can even be 1 sentence/example per point. Eg. I love anime [point]. I can list out over 5000 animes and there is not one anime that I have not seen or heard [explanation]. In 2004, I participated in the world anime championships and defeated at least 200 otakus from all over the country in listing, quoting phrases and identifying anime characters, emerging top 10 in my region. [Elaboration/examples] My love for anime knows no bounds [Link], but I have to admit that the decreasing quality of anime in the past 5 years has greatly disappointed me. [Link to next paragraph, where you talk about why you're disappointed, and how now you might actually prefer Korean dramas.]

'All in all, I agree that mass media should arrange the publicity of celebrities since some of them just more showing bad influence for society. Otherwise, ordinary people should acquire high proportion because society need educated channel'

'all in all' Might wanna reconsider using this. Sounds a bit slipshot. Go straight to the point.
High proportions, of what? Society's need for educated channels? Hm a bit confusing.
daveandrei 14 / 8 5  
Nov 18, 2015   #3
Hi Fadli,
It is just a few corrections. It is a good way if you check a collocation before using vocabularies.
Then, I think your essay is far from the idea and make reader confused.
Enjoy your day!


... to expose a daily life of celebrities ...
- - - - - - - -

In a positive side...
- - - - - - - -

Therefore, I firmly believe that the ordinary people have a thousand inspiring stories which isare more valuable to spread...

... utilizing river as athe main source.

This certainly areis more valuable to be ...

... because society needs educated channel


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