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IELTS TASK 2 Agree/Disagree Police force carrying guns will encourage a higher level of violence.


yuchengkuo 1 / -  
May 28, 2019   #1
Question: Some people believe that a police force carrying guns will encourage a higher level of violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that a higher rate of violence can increase if polices are armed with guns on duty. I agree with the statement and believe that the government should take responsibility to determine the use of such lethal weapons.

One of the main problems is that police carrying guns does not mean having lower rates of violence, criminals will likely to do the same to protect themselves. Guns only can be used in extreme conditions so if police officers have the authority to keep the safety on society, the same rule can also apply to criminals, who may use guns to do criminal activities as well as to prevent themselves from getting hurt. As a result, the more guns they carry, the higher rate of violence on the streets. In order to decrease the level of violence, governments should regulate the use of guns for citizens and train police force properly when facing dangerous situations.

Another reason why carrying guns poses threats in society is that innocent people can get injured. Guns can bring people to death within seconds and if this accident happens, police officers can hardly protect citizens. In order to diminish violence on streets, governments need to have stricter rules in the use of guns, especially in police shooting where people can possibly be killed. It is necessary for the police to have awareness of their surroundings so everyone can be safe.

In conclusion, police carrying guns pose a greater threat to society because it increases the use of weapons from criminals and may put innocent people in danger.

Feel free to feedback if any.

Maria [Contributor] - / 971 346  
May 29, 2019   #2
@yuchengkuo
Hi there!

I see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum. Let me look through your essay and provide you with a substantive feedback.

First and foremost, writing for IELTS is daunting because of the word count. While this may be restrictive (initially at least), it also helps you incorporate more writing techniques that would help you optimize the space you have for your essay. Omitting unnecessary and irrelevant words to create a more direct and yet formal approach would be critical in this manner.

Moreover, be wary of the structure of your sentences. Having such complex sentences can drag your essay down, especially if the content does not fully flesh out the thoughts that you have. Simplified and yet academically appropriate structures would be the key for your essay.

Now, having said that, I can best show you how these two comments work in text through revising the first parts of your essay.

It is argued that a higher rate ... increase the rate of violence would increase if polices policemen are armed ...
I agree ... responsibility to determine ... weapons in the use of lethal weapons.

... problems is that police carrying ... themselves criminals would likely respond by policemen carrying guns by acquiring ones themselves. Guns only can only be used in extreme conditions. so if If police officers ... to keep the safety on society ensure society's safety, the same rule can also apply also applies to criminals, who may use guns to do criminal activities ... hurt pursue criminal acts and defend themselves in case of an outbreak.

In order toTo decrease the level ... and train police force policemen properly when ... situations to properly respond to dangerous situations.

Best of luck in your writing!


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