Do you agree that the problems (what forms do they take?) outweigh the benefits of mobile phones?

There are many problems associated with the use of mobile phones.

What forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of mobile phones?

Alongside the spreading popularity of mobile phone in recent years stands serious concerns that humans are prone to many problems stemming from using those portable devices. Personally I think although the use of mobile phones may exert adverse effects on our lives, it turning away from it is impractical.

There are many problems of using mobile phones that must be taken into consideration. First and foremost, mobile phones allow instant connection at will, therefore, they have made people perpetually available. After working from nine to five, officers no longer enjoy their private life thoroughly as they continuously receive emails or phone calls from colleagues from then on. Another issue worth noting is that radiation of cellular phones can take great toll on human health. It is children that overexpose to radiation resulting in fatigue, poor concentration and autism because their brains are not fully developed.

As damaging the use of mobile phones seems to be, there are still a variety of advantages we cannot deny. To begin with modern people can stay in touch much more easily than before thanks to this powerful portable device. As if to exemplify, advanced features such as video call and voice messages have enabled us people to communicate conveniently and effectively. Moreover, mobile phones have done wonders for human work. Were mobile phones not to exist, employees would strenuously remember their appointments or deadlines on their own.

Given all the above-mentioned, it seems unequivocal that excluding mobile phones from our live is unfeasible. Instead, I advocate mitigating the problems by different ways as well as compartmentalising technology to improve our living standards.

Hope you can give me some feedback. Thank you
Best regards

The writer cannot offer selective responses in the restatement + opinion paragraph. Both questions must have representative response topics. It helps the essay gain a better starting score. Outlining the discussions helps support the writer's opinion with clarity from the very start.

The reasoning paragraph lacks coherence because it started with employee phone use after hours then, without a related transition sentence, suddenly discusses children's health in relation to the topic. The writer should have used a related work reason instead for coherence considerations.

The next paragraph disconnects from the previous paragraph in the first half. Only the second sentence relates. Coherence means all the paragraphs must have inter-related discussions moving from one to the next. Topic relevance in relation to previously presented discussions are needed.If the first topic relates to work, then the full discussion must be based on a work discussion.