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Do you agree with the saying: "Traveling broadens your minds" ?


thphuong1911 4 / 5  
Jul 25, 2016   #1
Hi everyone. I am a newcomer on EssayForum. I am intend to take IELT exam in the next year. Thus, I want to improve my writing skill. I hope to receive some feedback from all of you here.

Thank you very much in advance.

Do you agree with the saying: "Traveling broadens your minds"?

In the past, I thought that travel wasted a lot of money and it was not worth to spend my time. However, I had to change my perspective after my trip on Brazil for 5 years. I realize that travel give me many benefits. And the most valuable thing I think travel bring to me is that "Travel broadens your minds".

Curiosity is a nature of human. It spurs people to discover things surrounding us and travel helps us be content with curiosity of culture. With travel, we can see by our eyes, experience by ourself others traditions, customs around the world. Moreover, it enriches our real-life experience. In the globalization world, we communicate with a lot of people from different countries who have different beliefs. Travel helps us understand deeply belief of each country we went and hence, we are easier to integrate into the international environment.

Besides, travel improves our language skill. The scientists prove that learning new language strengthens our intelligence. From that, our competences are enhanced.
With all above points, the benefits of travel are very clearly. Hence, let take your backpack, travel and broaden your mind.

justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jul 25, 2016   #2
Hi Ho, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Team, we hope that this is just the start f a great partnership not only because you are gearing towards your IELTS Exam but for you to have that creativity and craftsmanship in writing. Moreover, here on EF, we strive to provide you with the most comprehensive and accurate feedback for your essay and future writing projects.

Having said that, please find the modifications below;

- In the past, I thought that travel wastedis just a waste of a lot of money
- and it wasit's not worth
- to spendspending my time.
- However, I had to change my perspective
- after my trip onto Brazil for 5 years ago .
- I realize that traveling give
- me many benefits. Andand the
- most valuable thing I thinkthat travel
- bring tobrought me is that

- With all above pointsHaving said that , the benefits of travel are very clearly .
- Hence, let take your backpack, travel and broaden your mindperspectives .

There you have it Ho, I hope the above modifications help you in your revision. Should you need further assistance, do let us know so we can assist you further.
OP thphuong1911 4 / 5  
Jul 26, 2016   #3
Thank you very much for helping me.
Best wishes for you :)
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jul 26, 2016   #4
No Worries at all Ho and thank you for appreciating our work here on EF, rest assured that we will always be here to guide you, every step of the way, whenever and wherever you can. Know that EF, will always aim for you to be able to get better if not the best at this craft and make sure that we provide you with helpful as well as useful feedbacks.

For future writing reference, make sure that you are careful in choosing the words that you associate in your essay, this will definitely play a huge role in your writing projects, as simple as choosing words can create a meaningful or a meaningless essay.

Moreover, as English is not our mother tongue, you also need to note that,when writing, it is best if can research and fully understand the subject, the prompt and what is it asking you to write, meaning, the purpose of the project. Once you understand the purpose of the essay, it will be easier for you to write something about it. Also, pay attention to the English language rules, make sure that you review quiet briefly, if you have time, in order to make sure that you don't miss out on the rules of the language and associate this in your writing. I hope to review more of your articles soon and keep writing.


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