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IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - Agree or Disagree essay on solution to improve road safety


Wendynguyen803 3 / 5 2  
May 30, 2019   #1
Hello, this is the first time I post my essay on this Web so feel free to read and check when necessary ^^

TOPIC(03/02/2018): The only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Assuring road safety proves to be of great necessity in elevating traffic security. The idea that only through rigorous penalty can traffic safety be advanced. In my opinion, there are more ways to solve such problem than just implementing harsh punishments on driving misdemeanors.

On the one hand, there are justified reasons from those who support heavy sentences in order to reform traffic wellbeing. First of all, the government dispel any ideas of the same repetitive outrages. Therefore, various kinds of penalties are imposed which contribute to enhance understanding for traffic attendants such as: increasing the amount of fine, driving license suspension, imprisonment,... Additionally, people are stimulated to obey the law willingly by enforcing severe punishments. For instance, when one gets punished heavily, he or she will instantlly be more careful by paying more attention while driving or slowing down in order to notice pedestrians crossing. Thus, new drivers especially the young who manage to learn before attending the troublous congestion is heightened their intellect by applying such tough sentences.

On the other hand, I would argue that there are some ideas served as solutions for decreasing danger on the road which is not only by imposing heavy penalties. Firstly, public transport should be reasonably decreased prices for everyone, mainly for students and senior citizens. Hopefully, traveling by public transports like buses or trains, which aim to be sufficient accords in both developed and developing nations, may be a contributor to diminish traffic jam and even air contamination. Besides, young new traffic attendants are encouraged to be educated before they are ready to meet the flow of vehicles. For example, "joy riding" is arised when someone steal cars and drive them without particular goals, but just the pleasure or trembling of doing so, owing to the widespread popularity among untaught individuals before driving. Hence, some people believe that everyone should be well-informed about traffic laws so as to minimize offences on the road.

In conclusion, leveling fine status is not the only solution to improve road safety as there are numerous different approaches to tackle aforementioned issue

melanienguyen278 1 / 1 1  
May 30, 2019   #2
First of all I would say that your essay is well written! But I think you should show your opinion that you agree or disagree. For example, "I would agree with this point of view for below reason"-> paragraph 1 then you can extent your ideas like your the third paragraph. That's just my own opinion and I am also appreciate to receive your feedback. Good luck!
Maria - / 1,100 389  
May 30, 2019   #3
@Wendynguyen803
Hi there!

Welcome to the forum. I'm a contributor here; and I'll provide you with feedback on your essay.

First and foremost, your writing is truly one of the most put-together ones I have come across in my time here. I think that you have great grasp of the language and its structure. That being said, I would suggest that you now focus on curating content that would be optimal for your essay. What this means is that you can create a more professional and/or academic tone through omitting unnecessary words alongside ensuring that you are as specific as possible when you are expanding your thoughts.

Secondly, while I generally agree that using transition words can generate positive results, I think that you can better utilize these things if you can use them strategically. Doing this will make certain that you are not merely taking up space - rather, that you are truly utilizing your essay's space in the most productive way possible. If you can pay attention to these facets of writing, it would be beneficial for your content.

Straightforward, brief, and specific are all core parts of writing.

Let's revise a part of your essay to give you an idea.

... heavy sentences in order to reform traffic well-being. Firstly of all, the government dispel any ideas of ... Therefore, various kinds of penalties are ... to enhanced understanding for traffic attendants such as: increasing ..., and imprisonment,... Additionally, people ... by enforcing severe punishments when severe punishments are enforced. For instance, wWhen one gets ... slowing down in order to ... Thus, new drivers especially the ... sentences. are challenged to comply.

I hope these comments have helped you. Best of luck in your writing endeavors!
OP Wendynguyen803 3 / 5 2  
Jun 3, 2019   #4
Thank you for your helpful advices @ melanienguyen278 and @ Maria
I'll try my best to enhance my writing skill ^^


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