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I don't agree with this statement, that success in life depends more on luck


jalp 13 / 34 7  
Dec 1, 2018   #1
SOME PEOPLE BELIEVER THAT LUCK IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR IN ONE'S SUCCESS. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

Luck plays an important part in one's success.



The belief that success in life depends more on luck is embraced by some people. I, however, disagree with this statement due to several reasons.

There is an element of lack to everyone's career. Whether being born into a wealthy family or being in the right place at the right time. There are those who do nothing but still prosper in life. For example, the lottery winners are considered lucky. The money they won is used for personal pleasure and/or business opportunities that may result to being successful.

However, I completely disagree that luck is the most important factor in one's success. I believe that hard work is what makes a person successful. Aside from that, intelligence and resilience are also essential in one's life. I think that good fortune is the least ingredient to gain success.

As an example, Tiger Woods is by far, the best golfer in the world, not because he is lucky but because he is talented and worked hard to be the greatest. Another famous example of a successful and respectable person is Oprah. As one of the richest and most influential woman in the whole world, with challenges and problems, she got through those by being strong and wise in making decisions. Those characteristics are her ammunitions to survive life and for being at the top of her game.

Therefore, even though the importance of luck is believed by some people to achieve happiness and wealth, I, am in completely disagreement to this idea. As mentioned, there are other factors that can help to a person's success in life, and it does not only happen by chance.

Red Moon 14 / 32 6  
Dec 2, 2018   #2
Hi, there are some suggestions I have for your essay:
Overall, the structure is very good. I have no problems understanding the main ideas.

However, some of your sentences are very confusing and unnatural. For example:
There is an element of lack to everyone's career. Whether being born into a wealthy family or being in the right place at the right time.

I have no idea why you use a full stop here, because it makes the second sentence incomplete. I'd write something like:
There is always an element of luck to one's success, like being born into a wealthy family or in the right place at the right time.

There are those who do nothing but still ...
It is subjective, but I think that you should use "relies on luck" rather than "do nothing". Even a lottery winner has to purchase at least some lotteries to win, so "doing nothing" is a exaggerate way to say "being lucky" in my opinion.

For example, the lottery ... The money they won...

Nothing wrong with these sentences, but I suggest you should combine them into one sentence:
For example, lottery winners (you talk about lottery winners in general, so no "the" here), whose prize money can be used to set up a business that may result in massive wealth. (some lottery winners do use money for personal pleasure but you don't need to mention it here, as it is unrelated to the idea " being successful")

Also, you use "I completely disagree" too much. Try another phrase, like "I oppose to" or something else.

Good luck.
HanNguyen0510 18 / 38 11  
Dec 2, 2018   #3
Hi there, I have some suggestions for your essay. I hope it helps.

1/ You might want to have a look again on spelling and grammar. There are a lot of words that have an incorrect spelling such as "lack," "ammunitions" etc.; or wrong/confuse sentences and structures.

2/ I think the paragraphs in the essay are not well-connected. It appears to me that the 1st sentence, 1st paragraph is the topic sentence of the 2nd paragraph. Then the 2nd sentence is the topic sentence of the 3rd paragraph and so on. I suggest that your essay should contain an introduction paragraph, which state your idea and what you are going to discuss; supporting paragraph, which explains your idea and conclusion paragraph to close the topic. That will be more comfortable to read.

3/ I figure out that the tone in your essay is quite informal, while this one had to be written in a formal style.


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