Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Agree or disagree: Students need one year of break after finishing high school


ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jan 28, 2015   #1
Topic: Some people think students who finished high school need to have a year of break or a holiday before continuing their study in a university. Do you agree or disagree?

Every student needs to study hard for 12 years in order to pass primary and high schools successfully. Twelve years of exams' stresses and perseverance for conducting school projects suck students' energy and, in some cases, discourage pupils to attend a college afterwards. As a consequence, some people have come out with a suggestion that students should take a breath for one year after finishing high school to compensate for the energy and motivations they have lost. In my opinion though, this idea would harm young people more than benefit them.

To begin with, every year the number of students entering to universities is dramatically rising, which all will seek a job after graduation. One year delay between high school completion and university entrance means competing with more job seekers. According to a work paper from the Bureau of Job Statistics, the number of people with an academic degree who look for a job vacancy increases by 10% annually. In short, time is a treasure in the today's competitive world and students should save their precious time to be absorbed to the labour market as soon as they can.

High inflation rate and unstable economy in the vast majority part of the world have urged universities, which are viewed as business platforms too, to increase tuition fees year by year. Therefore, every year that students postpone their studies in universities costs them more sums of money to spend on tuition fees. For example, the tuition fee of the University of Melbourne boosted from 13,000 AUD per semester to 18,000 AUD through 2013 to 2014, which is more than 40% increase. Accordingly, one year rest after high school would oblige students to pay more and, as a result, work casually to afford their education expenses.

To sum up, although many students may not be enthusiastic about continuing their studies in universities right after high school graduation, I believe any hesitation in this world, where job opportunities are decreasing and living costs, in particular education expenses, increasing drastically, is not rational. Thus, we, as adults, are responsible to familiarize youngsters with these factual truths and allow them to find the right path more easily.

thelearner 2 / 2 1  
Jan 28, 2015   #2
Every student needs to study hard for 12 years in order to pass primary and high schools successfully. Twelve years of exams' stresses and perseverance for conducting school projects suck students' energy and, in some cases, discourage pupils to attend a college afterwards

I think you could come with a better introduction, which would make the reader more interested in your essay.

suck

Using such words would make your essay look like a mere casual work.

You should increase the size of your body paragraphs by including sufficient developing points.Doing this will make your essay more stronger.

Just my advice.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Feb 1, 2015   #3
Since this is an agree of disagree essay, you should have also represented the side of the discussion that states how a gap year benefits the students who have just graduated from high school. Remember, some of these kids could be coming from financially strapped families and a gap year is the only way they might be able to eventually attend college. You said so yourself the work market is highly competitive now, and some of the blue-collar jobs, can be filled by simple high school graduates. Allowing high school graduates to take a gap year would enable them to mature more fully and truly decide upon what their college major should be because they will have experienced real life and by then, know what niche they will want to fill in the world. An A/D essay needs to view both sides of the issue in order to have a balanced discussion. One or two paragraphs of the opposing point of view would have helped to balance your work.
OP ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Feb 2, 2015   #4
An A/D essay needs to view both sides of the issue in order to have a balanced discussion

Luisa, I became really really confused with this line of your comment. In different IELTS writing books I read that "agree OR disagree" means that the writer needs to take only one side cause it is not "agree and disagree", it is like "either agree or disagree". Some IELTS mentors also suggested that to me, they said because of that OR between "agree" and "disagree" we need to just argue one side. It is different from the topics which ask to discuss two viewpoints. If I need to talk about two sides of the argument, what is the difference between "agree or disagree" topics and "discuss both viewpoints" ones?


Home / Writing Feedback / Agree or disagree: Students need one year of break after finishing high school