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DO YOU AGREE THAT THE STUDY OF MATHEMATICS IS ESSENTIAL TO THE PROGRESS OF HUMAN RACE?


Dec 3, 2016   #1
I need help on both grammar and content review. Any response is appreciated. Thank you!

Nowadays, Mathematics is a compulsory subject at every school and university. There is no doubt that it is an useful tool for human in numerous fields. In my opinion, the study of Mathematics is essential to the progress of human race.

First and foremost, there is nothing replacing Mathematics in daily life. In reality, Mathematics's tools help human practise basic operations such as addition, subtraction, multiplication and division.For instance, customers and sellers can not buy anything without calculating the product's price. A large number of modern machines and facilities are invented such as ATM, credit cards, etc.. Were not to be for Mathematics, there would be no money, which leading the fact that it is extremely difficult to trade with each other. If so, human's society were similar to the one at the time when human started appearing, there were no progress.

Secondly, it is true that Mathematics plays an important role in science. The marvelous appearance of numbers of Mathematics is basic principle of appearance of natural science such as Physic, Chemistry, Biology and so on. Human are bound to have difficulties carrying out complex operations without Mathematics. If Mathematics did not exist, there were no operations relating to intense of light and voice, the height of a mountain, the length of a river, the time of the Earth's orbit, the effects of the Sun and the Moon to the Earth. Thanks to Mathematics, scientists can explore the Earth and other planets. Therefore, they are able to predict what will happen exactly, human can be protected from natural disasters as well as natural harmful factors. Besides, human can have appropriate measures to reduce effects of human activities.The Eath avoid being at risk of being ruined anytime. Human's health is also improved so their qualification and ability are brought into play. Society of human race will develop more and more.

Mathematics has relation with every field in human's life, affecting directly the progress of human. Imagine that society of human exist without Mathematics, it will be very terrible.

EditorPal - / 19 6  
Dec 4, 2016   #2
Hi, phamlethutrang99. I recommend that you revise the following sentences:

(1) Were not to be for Mathematics, ...

(2) The marvelous appearance of numbers of ...

(3) If Mathematics did not exist, there were ...

(4) Therefore, they are able to predict what will ...

Overall, these are probably the most difficult sentences to read. Try shortening them without losing your message. You may also want to cut down on your use of adverbs (i.e., words that end in "ly"). Please let me know whether you have any questions.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Dec 8, 2016   #3
The flow of ideas is well-done. Yet, I can still see some ways to improve the content of your essay. Concerning the prompt that asked you to write whether you agree or disagree to the question/prompt given, I might say you have violated a fundamental rule of a question. It needs a direct answer from you. Even though your idea development indicated that Mathematics is essential, you never mentioned anything about your agreement here. At least you can just say that "I do agree with... / I strongly agree... / Personally, I agree with...." to make sure to the reader that your agreement is clear since the very beginning of your essay. Therefore, the quality of the essay itself would more likely to be enhanced.

Also, in the very last paragraph (sentence) of your essay, you have written "Mathematics has relation with every field in human life." . This can be considered as over-generalize an idea. I don't really think that "Mathematics has relation with EVERY FIELD" because some of them do not even need Mathematics. For instance, 'a language' doesn't have to be mathematically correct if someone wants to talk to other people as long as the message or intention of the speaker has delivered clearly.
krempetkov 13 / 29 6  
Dec 9, 2016   #4
In my opinion, the study of Mathematics is essential to the progress of human race. - I like this sentence, but in my opinion it would have been better, if you had expanded the idea. Just give reasons in the Introduction and then expand them at the following paragraphs. This will give the reader overall idea of you thoughts and what to expect.

Other than that, i think it is a good idea to combine some of the sentences in paragraph 2. Few of them look, rather simple and incomplete, while others are more complicated to follow.

At the end of the day, i think your essay is very good, but i will suggest to expand your sentences and ideas, while writing.


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