Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

[TOEFL]Agree or disagree: The telephone has greater influence on people's lives than TV


Allen Hu 8 / 26 4  
Nov 6, 2013   #1
Topic: Do you agree or disagree with this statement: The telephone has greater influence on people's lives than televsion has.

Thanks a lot for your advices in advance~~~~~~

With the fast rolling of modern society, TV and telephones have made tremendous development through this process. Some people spend most of their time watching TV and therefore claim that the TV has influenced people's life more than telephone does. Nevertheless, from my point of view, telephone actually influences people's lives more deeply since it helps connect people more closely and raise the company's productivity.

First of all, a complex and sophisticated social network, an essential ingredient of people's lives, is built with the assistance of telephones. As we all know, telephone is the most common communicative tools that people use. Friends or relatives who live in different continents are able to get in touch with each other through a tiny telephone line. My cousin went to Spinash to continue her further study. In the past, I could not be able to talk to my cousin in view of such a long distance between us. However, nowadays at the mercy of the telephone, she can share her study experience and feeling about delicious food in Spinash with me at anytime and I can also know about whether she is accustomed to the life abroad. Obviously, telephone helps people connect others more closely.

In addition, telephone is an extremely essential tool of work, and using telephone increase the productivity considerably. For example, employees and employers depend on telephone while working. when supervisors want their employees to finish some kind of assignment, they have to inform them by calling and When officials introduce their company's products to their potential clients, they have to reach out them by telephone. Also, In modern days there are increasing number of meetings that are held by communicating through telephone. All of these effects assist in improving company's productivity immensely.

Admittedly, TV shows people with a fascinating world using a variety of pictures. Some programs can also represent all aspects of this world to their audiences. Nevertheless, TV is, more often than not, just an entertainment equipment and has nothing to do with the advancement of social interconnection or efficiency. Even for the effect of entertainment, people can just call the ticket offices of airports to book an airport ticket and then travel around the world to see the all aspects of this world with their naked eyes, which is more enlightening and attractive than just seeing things in TV programs.

In conclusion, telephone has more effect on people's lives than TV does.

tarhuna16 4 / 5 1  
Nov 6, 2013   #2
Well done. You have an excellent vocabulary, however did you follow the word limit requirement? For IELTS it must be 250-280 words. I think you exceeded the limit.I didn't get what you mean went to Spinash you mean Spain?My cousin went to Spinash to continue her further study. In the past, I could not be able to talk to my cousin in view of such a long distance between us. can- modal verb, could- past tense, be able - modal verb and it has present, past and future form I mean you could use I was not ableHowever, nowadays at the mercy of the telephone, she can share her study experience and feeling about delicious food in Spinash with me at anytime and I can also know about whether she is accustomed to the life abroad . I think too long sentences.
OP Allen Hu 8 / 26 4  
Nov 6, 2013   #3
Thanks for your advices! In TOEFL test, my essay definitely does not exceed the word limit, or there is no clear standard about this~

Yeah, I mean Spain, it is a spell error~

Thank you for your advice again~
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Nov 6, 2013   #4
In TOEFL test, my essay definitely does not exceed the word limit, or there is no clear standard about this~

As per TOEFL standards, an effective essay written for the TOEFL Independent Writing Task, which can score over 25/30 should contain at least 300 words. That is the minimum and there is no upper limit. Considering the time factor, I feel it is good to stick to the 300 word limit which is in no less no more mode :D

Nevertheless, from my point of view, telephone actually influences people's lives more deeply since it helps connect people more closely and raise the company's productivity.

Why do you talk about the productivity levels of companies? Let's look at your prompt;

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with this statement: The telephone has greater influence on people's lives than televsion has.

Your prompt is about the influence that telephone and television has on people's lives. There is nothing said about the companies, but strictly it deals with how they affect our lives. You should not go out of topic and especially in the introduction you should stay with the prompt very closely as the purpose of introduction is to introduce your topic in its real sense to the reader.


Home / Writing Feedback / [TOEFL]Agree or disagree: The telephone has greater influence on people's lives than TV