Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

[TOEFL] Do you agree that telephones play more effective role than television?


joyhu 9 / 22 5  
Aug 25, 2013   #1
I am not sure if I can use cell phone to compete with TV in this topic????
Needs everyone's help !! Thank you =)

Do you agree that telephones are playing a more effective role than television in people's life?

Views differ considerably when it comes to the issue that whether a telephone plays a more effective role than television or not. Some people believe that with the technology improvement a telephone can be more effective than television, while others think that a television can help them spend the time. Both of the opposite arguments appear to be somewhat convincing and stand to reason. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the idea, which is that a telephone is more effective than a television now.

First of all, with the raising of the cell phone use rate, it is more convenient to connect with other person on a phone, and that is what a television can't do. In addition, since a television is a machine that you use for your free time, I believed that one can live without a television, but not a phone. For example, when your work place needs to find you, they will connect with you by the phone, not by a television.

Second, a cell phone has a lot of different abilities besides making a phone call. Nowadays, most people have a smart phone. We can use it to play a game, listen to the music, and even watch a movie. Those things are only accepted by a phone, not a TV. For example, if I am in a station waiting for a bus, I can watch a movie on the phone and wait, which make me feel the time pass more quickly. In contrast, I can't hold a TV with me to anywhere. So, the portable of the phone is another advantage.

Although, I agree with the idea that phones are more usable, I think I still have to point out that there are some different points of view. People hold different opinion may argue that with the small screen of the phone, it will easily hurt one's eyes. Of course, it may be true when you keep using the phone for a long time. However, when the users themselves learn how to control their time and not to use it continuously, it won't be a problem at all.

In conclusion, given the reasons described above, when the advantages and disadvantages between a phone and a television are carefully compared, the best choice is obviously stand on my side, which is that a phone is more effective that television in people's life

Redtape 4 / 31 11  
Aug 25, 2013   #2
I can't holdalways carry a TV with me to anywhere and everywhere. So, the portableportability of the phone is another advantage.

Very interesting and practical aspects were discussed. Good work.
Allen Hu 8 / 26 4  
Aug 25, 2013   #3
Views differ considerably when it comes to the issue that whether a telephone plays a more effective role than television or not.

"or not " is unnecessary here~

while others think that a television can help them spend the time.

I think the rear part of this sentence can be revised" they is able to kill time more effeciently as watching TV

For example, when your work place needs to find you, they will connect with you by the phone, not by a television

This sentence is not appropriate~First, work place can't find people, just people find people,like your boss. Second "they" should be revised to be "it "

when the users themselves learn how to control their time and not to use it continuously, it won't be a problem at all

"learn how to limit their time" is better~

which is that a phone is more effective that television in people's life

the second "that" are supposed to be "than",right? I believe it's a slip of the pen~

Most importantly, I wanna say that telephone is not completely equal to cell phone as you said at the begining of this passage, and I think you have to build some connection between these two things by a sentence, such as " Nowadays cell phone is a primary type of telephone." In this way the logic connection would be more clear~

The discussion above is just my point of view, may not be totally right~


Home / Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Do you agree that telephones play more effective role than television?