Unanswered [12] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

agree that telephones are playing a more effective role than television in people's life


surichen 1 / -  
Dec 5, 2013   #1
With the rapid technology development, several technological products such as telephones and televisions both play a indispensable role in modern people's life. As far as I am concerned, I am in favor of that telephones indeed are more effective in one's life than televisions do. To illustrate better, I elaborate on my reasons as follows.

Firstly, in terms of telephones, the basic function is as a bridge connects people from different regions all over the world. Over the recent decades, people are living in a worldwide society that they often communicate with each other by the aids of international phone calls. For my case, it is undoubtedly a challenge for a couple living in different regions that are quite far away from each other to keep a relationship. Nonetheless, the facilitation of telephones do combine two hearts with each other tightly. Therefore, the use of telephones do play a essential role in modern people's live to boost our interpersonal interactions.

However, some people are holding favorable attitude toward the effectiveness of televisions. An explicit example is that people can gather together enjoying program shows, increasing the changes for people to interact with each other. Concerning, this assertion, I refutes it that people in such reunion end up concentrating on the shows on their own, without directly talking to each other. For example, my mom try to talk to a my dad who is laying on sofa and attracted by the program shows ,it turns out,my dad cannot reply her in a whole sentence or get her point since he is distracted from the television.As a result,obviously,the televisions is much less effective than the telephones do.

Secondly, the existence of telephones offers the society a great number of benefits.An conspicuous example is that people can have interview on phone with their employers instead of wasting time and money on commuting,which illustrates the convience and effectiveness of telephones.On ther other hand,telephones make the customer services way easier.Take me as an example,I took a job in a credit card customer service center,where I responsible for dealing with the customers' needs.

By the aids of telephones,it provides a win-win situation for both the bank and the customer. The bank gains loyalty from customers by providing them a comprehensive 24/7 customer services via a simple call,while the solutions are accessible for customer as well.

From what have discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that the telephones indeed outweigh the televisions in the effective way.Without a doubt, the telephones do bring great effects on people's life in a multiple way,and from individuals to a society as whole.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Dec 5, 2013   #2
With the rapid technology development, several technological products such as telephones and televisions both play a indispensable role in modern people's life.

.... First part of this sentence does not add much meaning to this sentence. Better you remove it or tell something more relevant;
Among many technologically advanced devised we use today, the telephone and television play more prominent roles in our lives.

As far as I am concerned, I am in favor of that telephones indeed are more effective in one's life than televisions do. To illustrate better, I elaborate on my reasons as follows.

You need to introduce us the background of this issue. You should assume that the reader does not have any idea about your prompt and make use of the introduction paragraph to introduce your topic.

ForIn my case, it is undoubtedly a challenge for a couple living in different regions that are quite far away from each other to keep a relationship.

... well, you can enhance the effect of this idea;
In my case, I am so dependable on the telephone for surviving my relationship with my fiance' because we live far apart.
Allen Hu 8 / 26 4  
Dec 5, 2013   #3
several technological products such as telephones and televisions both play a indispensable role in modern people's lifelives

I am in favor of that telephones indeed are more effective in one's life than televisions doare

Firstly, in terms of telephones, the basic function is as a bridge that connects people from different regions all over the world

overall, your essay is great~ but there are some tiny grammar errors that you should pay attention to~
Also, you should not use sample so clearly~but just use it to link the structure of your essay ~

May this helps ~
haodiep7640 3 / 9  
Dec 5, 2013   #4
Overall, I think this is a good essay. Your vocabulary and grammar are quite good :)


Home / Writing Feedback / agree that telephones are playing a more effective role than television in people's life