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IELTS Writing: agree/disagree: if unpaid service should be a compulsory part of school or not


letrandaohoa 2 / 4  
Jul 31, 2019   #1

unpaid work for school students



Some people think that high school students should be forced to do unpaid community activities as a part of their curriculum. While I accept that these activities are beneficial for pupils, I would argue that voluntary work should not be put compulsorily for them.

On the one hand, it seems to be true that students doing unpaid work can lead to some notable advantages. Firstly, participating in community service allows students to gain some useful skills such as communication and team working skills which are very necessary for them to become a good citizen in the future. Since students usually work and cooperate with a large number of people in society, this could help them gain more experience and feel more confident after graduating from university. Secondly, students who used to do voluntary community service are more likely to get a good job because employers might value highly their contribution to the community. My friend, for example, experienced an unsalaried work for teaching poor students during his high school period, after that, he was easily employed to be a teacher in a big university.

On the other hand, I believe that high schools should not force students to do unpaid activities. The first explanation is that since students usually spend most of their time in schools and have to do their homework every day, so they often suffer from stress. Therefore, if they join voluntary activities, they might not have enough time to fulfill their studying. Recent researches have shown that a busy curriculum is one of the main reasons which directly affects students' scores. Another vital point is that students should be encouraged to play sports or other kinds of entertainment after a hard studying day. Instead of doing such activities like working in a charity or teaching, students could spend their time with their friends of families, which helps them to reduce stress, recharge their energy to study more effectively.

In conclusion, although doing unpaid work can be advantageous for students, I firmly believe that these activities should not be put as a compulsory part of the school.

Please marking my text with essay standards
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Jul 31, 2019   #2
@letrandaohoa
Hello. Welcome back! I'm here once more to provide you with writing feedback on this essay.

I think that the first paragraph was executed beautifully. You were short and simple with your language - and yet, there was immense clarity with what you were trying to say. Keep up this balance when writing!

When using examples (for instance, in the second paragraph's last portions), try to be more creative and specific. While using your friend as an example might be alright, having firmer generalized opinions might be more suitable for your writing endeavors to assist you.

The third paragraph also appears to be quite messy due to its general composition. I suggest trying to be more straightforward with your language in this portion.

Best of luck.
OP letrandaohoa 2 / 4  
Aug 1, 2019   #3
@Maria
Hello. Thank you for spending your time on marking my essay. I really appreciate that!
I'll try my best to improve my writing skill.
Sincerely!


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