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[TOEFL]Do you agree or disagree the young children spend most of their time playing?


mhh2531 5 / 7  
Apr 6, 2011   #1
I agree that young children should spend most of their time playing. My reasons are as follows.

First of all, the development of children shouldn't have pressure. The formal education might be possible teach our useful knowledge and information. Most of schools advocate that children can have the happy learning. However, teacher can't make sure children totally understand what mean in the books. Thus, most of teachers might hold a test to examine how children learn. By doing so, this will increase their pressure and disobey school's the original idea. They are just children,

and they should have the happy memory at that time.

Second, by playing, children can learn other things. Books can offer a lot of knowledge, which includes all kind of things. However, when children play, they also can learn through this way. For example, by climbing mountain, children can close to the nature and find some interest. They can see and teach the real trees, flowers, birds, and so on. It also can spur their brain's development. This scene might appear in the textbook, but people may have curiosity to see reality about everything, let alone children.

Finally, it is precious for children to have their child's memory. When they grow up, they might memory their childhood. Some children totally study and study in their childhood. They should be unhappy because they don't have everything without studying, when other people talk about what their happy childhood. In the contrast, playing can make children have the abundant life. Their life may not only study their homework but also make a lot of friends.

For the above reasons, I agree that children should spend most of their time playing.

ratree 3 / 11  
Apr 6, 2011   #2
Hello Wu,
Few problems I notice in your essay writing that are few grammatical mistakes and there isn't any link from one sentence to other means sentence sequance have not maintained.

you can rephrase your para like : First of all, children development should be pressure free. Probably formal education make us knowledgeable and informative. But assessment prosedures are not that much effective as that create more pressure over children.

A lot of irrelavent words in your writing so i suggest you to rewrite.

best of luck.
KathyLala 20 / 116  
Apr 7, 2011   #3
...children's development shouldn't have pressure. (This sounds better, but somehow I don't like its structure, something wrong...the sentence is not clear to me)

=> The formal education teaches useful knowledge and information

=> Most of schools advocate that children can have happy learning

=> However, most teachers evaluate students' understanding by giving them a test

=> By doing so, this will increase their pressure and disobey school's the original idea. They are just children,(I'm not quite sure what you mean by "disobey school's the original idea")

I have some ideas on your first paragraph, how about you start with teacher's teaching method, something like: " Many teachers evaluate students' understanding by giving them a test after each chapter. However, testing is not an accurate assessment. For instance, some students are extremely nervous when they are given a test, eventually, their nervousness affects their performance"

I like your idea in second para

=> They can see and touch real trees, flowers, birds, and so on (spelling)

=> ...they might memorize their childhood

=> They should be unhappy because they don't have everything without studying, when other people talk about what their happy childhood (<=this sentence needs to be rewrite) something like "Some children who are forced to study without having sufficient time to play would be regret because they don't have a precious childhood memory"

I like your ideas, and I totally agree with them, just rewrite your essay, and make it smooth
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,339 129  
Apr 7, 2011   #4
Welcome to EssayForum, Wu!!

I'll show you the correct grammar for some sentences. Please practice typing with the correct grammar.

First of all, the development of children shouldn't have involve pressure.

The formal education might be makes it possible to teach our useful knowledge and information.

Most of schools advocate that try to help children have happy learning experiences so that they become lifelong-learners.

However, teachers can't make sure children totally understand the ideas that the books try to convey.

Thus, most teachers might hold a test to examine how well children learn.

By doing so, this will increase their pressure and disobey undermine the school's original idea.--Very good point!!!

When they grow up, they might remember their childhood.

:-)
ganaanaiz 1 / 3  
Apr 7, 2011   #5
Hello. i am writing this kind of essays same like you.
in my opinion, your essay is well-organized and you have three reasons to support your choice
but you need a hook, thesis sentence i mean introduction and conclusion. that will make your essay looks more advanced. Gook luck
OP mhh2531 5 / 7  
Apr 9, 2011   #6
OK,thank you very much.
I will try again:))


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