My essay:
People, especially the elders, have been complaining about the youth's laziness on community activities. Unfortunately, their judgments are totally correct. From my perspective, there are a series of reasons which lead to this phenomenon.
Quite understandably, people mostly blame individualism which involves apathy and selfishness. However, from what I see, the mother of that so-blamed individualism is modern life's speed and pressure. The rapid progress, the rat race, responsibilities, debts, competitions.... clouded many young men's minds with anxiety and stress about themselves being left out. This fear, combined with limited time budget, is so intense that some youngsters cannot take care of themselves properly, more so other people. For example, the 996 culture and OT culture in China (working from 9am to 9pm, 6 days a week) are making hundred thousands of youngsters work to the point of being broken, giving them no chance for relaxation, self-improvement, fostering care and emotions, even feeling the sunlight!
Poor advertising campaigns also play a great role in turning the youth away from community activities. The majority of campaigns are promoted by old-school propaganda with typical posters, unimpressive slogans and participants are mostly forced to join by schools. Private companies and the youth's way of advertising are good enough but they don't have much ability to widen the scale. In addition, a lot of local community activities and events are extremely boring. They just require us to sit there with heat, sweats, mosquitoes and be a good boy/girl, which is not educational, full of experiences and appealing as they promised. Having joined several community activities before, never have I felt a sense of belonging nor excitement. As a result, many young people never come back and continue to help.
The lack of leadership is the final nail on the coffin of our interest in helping the community. Although there are numerous enthusiastic young helpers and organizations, no one has been able to take the responsibility of giving clear directions and be the representative voice for them. Meanwhile, large, international organizations are too far away to reach local ones. Therefore, community activities are scattered and disunited in all aspects, leaving helpers and potential future helpers confused about what they should do. Expectedly, many gave up half-way.
In conclusion, it has to be admitted that young people's effort in contributing to the community is insufficient as a consequence of life pressure resonating with not-cappable-enough leaders and poor-quality proganda and events.
Notes about the task: The task is from a semester/inspection test in a high school for gifted students. We still need to write it like an IELTS task 2 though. I have clearly failed to meet the Task Requirements for words quantity ha ha.........
Thank you for your feedback, I will write them down and try not to repeat the mistakes
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 there are a series of reasons which lead to this phenomenon.
This is a cop-out. By giving a non-answer, you manage to add words to the count, but fail to add substance to the discussion. Don't just repeat the writing instruction. respond to it to create a substantive response that increases the word count.
young men's
Gender neutrality must be considered when referring to people. It is no longer PC to use a default male reference. Third person pronoun usage would be better.
Your next 2 paragraphs better relates to burn-out and exhaustion reasons than lack of community volunteering time. Each reference paragraph should circle back to a part of community service to show a coherent discussion. All discussions need to connect and discuss the topic as expected. Rack of leadership is the most appropriate reference in the presentation.
Next time, outline your discussion points to make sure it relates to the overall discussion presentation. Do that before you write your draft.
About the "young man", I was trying to refer both genders (since "man" can be use as a substitute for human too). I will try to find another replacement I guess.
Thank you very much. I will try to fix the mistakes in the rewritten version.
