I know it's too long...I didn't count the number of words as I wrote but may I know if marks will be deducted because of this? If you're a teacher, please help grade it too. Thanks for all of your help!
starvation phenomenon in the modern world
Question: In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this is case? What can be done about this problem?
My answer:
It appears that despite the improvements in farming over the past decades, famine remains an inevitable issue across the globe, especially in developing countries. The endeavours of the top scientists put in to ameliorate this situation are seemingly not paying off. This essay points out the causes of this and its possible solutions.
One major reason behind this phenomenon is the misconception of the word 'equity', which is often mixed up with 'equality'. While the latter emphasises on everyone receiving equal amounts of items, equity focuses on allowing everybody to get the amount they need. Although advances are made in agriculture, countries are merely following the concept of 'equality', distributing the extra yield of crops and food to developed and developing countries equally, thereby not narrowing the disparity in number of crops received by powers. In other words, countries vulnerable to starvation are still prone to it. Therefore, improvements made in this industry does not alleviate this problem.
Moreover, advances and new technologies are mostly in rich countries which further exacerbates the problem. Many farmers in developing countries lack the know-how of utilising the advancements, nor have they received much aid from developed countries. As a result, they remain heavily dependent on the exports of rich powers but due to the low capital, they are unable to buy much. This becomes a vicious cycle in which those suffering from famine and poverty never get to improve their quality of life.
Everything is better late than never; so is putting a solution into action. To tackle a problem, the prerequisite is to target the causes. Hence, the very first step is to promote the idea of equity. When governments are willing to distribute the extra food and resources to assist poorer countries, if you are citizens they will experience starvation. They will also be able to increase the GDP and in turn, provide aids to developed countries. Besides, the corporation of all nations is imperative and should be encouraged. More countries will be benefitted, with the famine problem also ameliorated.
In short, should countries make every endeavour to confront this from its root causes, starvation will be reduced and improvements in agriculture will belong to every nation of the world.
(369 words, 37.5 mins)Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 Again, grading cannot be done on your essay as it is not part of our free review services. Opt for our private review or urgent services to gain access to scoring review for your work. Students cannot score other students essays because they will find their accounts automatically suspended for violating forum regulations. Students cannot score essays for one another.
In response to your question, no, you will not receive points deductions for writing more than the word count. However, writing more than 290 words will open you to more errors in the overall scoring consideration. These are errors that you should have spotted and corrected had you left at least 5 minutes to double check your presentation before submission. In your essay, you made 8 errors covering grammar, clarity, vocabulary, formal grammar issues.
There was no need to specify "especially in developing countries" and the efforts of scientists because that was not indicated in the original prompt. You should not indicate any information not found in the original presentation as those are considered deviations which could adversely affect your score. Do not add information, but do not offer less information than stated in the original either. Just stick to the original facts for your restatement. That and a proper topic outline for the discussion reasons would also help you stay on point better than you did in this presentation.
Your overwriting has to do with your use of run-on sentences in most of your paragraphs. That is not a very good way of getting around the 3-5 sentence per paragraph requirement. When you write a run-on, the clarity and coherence of the paragraph is affected. Keep the information short and summarized whenever you can. The paragraph should only contain:
- The topic sentence
- Reason for the topic
- Example to support the topic
- Additional explanation
- Transition to the next discussion topic
Keep the essay simple so that you can have enough time after drafting to double check your errors, correct the errors, and polish your content. That is how you get a higher band score, not by over discussing or creating run on sentences. You should also know that unless a personal opinion is required, within a comparative essay, you should write no more than 4 paragraphs for the test. Only when you are asked to discuss both points of view and offer a personal opinion should you write a 5 paragraph essay.
