Hi there,
I am currently preparing my IELTS exam, it will be helpful for you to help out! Please correct my grammar, provide suggestions and mark a band based on the IELTS examination. Thank you:)
Question: In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry.
Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?
As a modern people, even though it is hard to believe, under the advance of agriculture, the world hunger has not been eradicated in the 21th century. To ease and solve the worldwide crisis, it must be looked into the core of the issue and take on actions immediately.
From my perspective, the primary factor of hunger is poverty. The profit-oriented corporations set high price of farming fertilizers, for those countries that suffer from poverty certainly can't afford. Meanwhile, with poor situation in finance, they undoubtfully are not capable of accessing the latest agricultural guidance. Afterwards, farmers use no or artificial fertilizers, which will lead to an unhealthy soil with high salt level. Exploiting the farmland through numerous cycles, the products become less rich in nutrient and minimal in outputs. People are not able to consume enough, later on suffer from hunger and starvation.
Despite of the depressing situation, there are some actual actions can be put into practice, after all, every cloud has a silver lining. Governments should seek aids form world organizations, regardless of finance aid or agricultural guidance. Cutting the chase, the most direct assistance surely is to accept huge means of money. For fear that the aid be misused, a practical method is to send agriculture assisting team, assuring the aid won't be manipulated by corrupted governers.
To sum up, in my opinion, poverty is the main reason of hunger, coping it with assistance of charity groups, it is affirmative that starvation will ultimately come to an end.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Do not ask students to score your essay. Their accounts will automatically be suspended due to forum rules violations. If you have such specific review instructions, you should avail of our premium private services or, make this thread URGENT for a more comprehensive review. The free review only covers general comments and observations.
You are not offering a correct paraphrase of the original prompt. You have totally changed the information provided in the original prompt. Therefore, you will lose points. You need to properly paraphrase the original presentation using only the provided information. Do not add, remove, or offer information not included in the original prompt. This will result in a low TA score for you. When that happens, you might find it difficult to pass the test because of a low starting score.
Do not use contractions in your presentations. Always spell out the whole word because you are writing in formal English. You cannot say "don't", you have to say "do not" in order to reflect the required academic and professional tone of the essay.
Your reasoning for hunger is incorrect. Your presentation topic, farming fertilizers does not relate to hunger directly. You could mention the cost of food, the lack of groceries in a particular location, or the high cost of food. Farming fertilizers are a totally different, unrelated topic. As you can see, your essay deviated from the topic when you discussed fertilizers, you focused on soil quality rather than hunger. So the prompt deviation will make this essay fail the test. If you do not discuss the required topic, then you cannot be scored based on the topic discussion indicated.
Do not use English phrases / idioms that will show your lack of English knowledge (e.g. every cloud has a silver lining, Cutting the chase). Do not try to show off when you are not at the level of a native English speaker yet. That will be unwise because errors in the LR and GRA section will greatly affect your final score.
