Please correct this essay and give me some suggestion for me, thanks alot
In recent years, there are an increasing in the number of organizations, some workers are allowed to work at home partial of the week. Do you think it is a positive development or negative development for individuals and society?
In the current age the movement which is following the developing of co-oporations allows employees working at home in weekdays. Some say this trend would be adverse effects for both individuals and society whilst others think it is more beneficial. I can see the issue from both perspectives, however I consider the latter to be more compelling argument.
There are two strong points which support the belief that it is necessary for people to attend their work places. Firstly, workers could be suffered by the isolation which stems from miscommunication with their colleagues. In this case, they could not collect ideas as well as experiences to help them complete work. Secondly, working at home make employees be distracted with a lot of things like housework, taking care of their children and other relaxing activities. Some people could not separate between their lives and work effectively while others are annoyed by the aspects named above.
That being said, there are convincing counterargument to the aforementioned point. Supporters of home working cite that staying at home would help people complete their work well because they could get familial condition and flexible schedules. For example, workers who are able to work at home can work whenever they want even midnight or early morning, therefore they can choose times they have the best situation to work. Furthermore, many reports state that when people are kept in their familial condition, their thinking and working performance will be more effective than normal.
In conclusion, while it is clear that there are sound rationales which support both sides of this debate, I believe the assertion that organizations allow employees working at home to be more compelling than its opposite.
Was my essay so bad ?? :((
There is my first sentence I rewrited : "In recent years the quantity of organizations has risen significantly, this is followed by a trend which let employees do their work at home in weekdays" is that less confusing ?? Could you suggest me some recommendation :(
Was my essay so bad ?? :((
Hey.... don't be so disheartned :D
My comments were aimed at helping you to improve ....ok? :D
Your first sentence was actually confusing and I really couldn't grasp anything when I first read it.
What you re-wrote is much better and now I know what you mean : )There is my first sentence I rewrited
It's, re-wrote ; write and wrote.... similarly re-write and re-wrote"In recent years the quantity of organizations has risen significantly, this is followed by a trend which let employees do their work at home in weekdays"
In recent years the the numbers of organizations grew rapidly. This trend created many job opportunities for the people while allowing some of them to work from home during their leisure time.
I keep on advising you to write shorter sentences with clear simple ideas :)
You show enough potential to improve and it's a matter of improving your grammar and flow. You can achieve that through practise and here we are to offer you help :D