Shon, this is a remarkable improvement over your past essays. I commend you for the obvious logic and paragraph development that you carefully constructed for this essay. I have a few grammar corrections to point out though. I hope you won't mind :-)
It is inevitably to become an adult someday since time flies. There are many events such as obtaining the first job, being married and having a kid will prove that you are no longer a kid. This essay will confirm all mentioned above events.- We all inevitably become adults over time. These adult creating chapters in our lives are commonly marked by the first job, getting married, and having children. Placing a new sense of responsibility upon a person with every facet and thus requiring him to mature intellectually, socially, and morally.
Generally speaking, having a job is the first step of being an adult because that it is the moment when you can rely only on yourself. You will have to worry about your income and expenses when it comes to daily activities such as shopping, supplying essential commodities, and buying medicines since you can no longer rely on somebody as parents or relatives. Even though, it is quite common to see that some people still rely on their parents after having a job. However, it is not permanent because after all this is their life, and their parents cannot live forever with them. To clarify, imagine yourself having a first job after a definite interview. The result is obvious, from that point of life, you will have to independently shoulder an abundance of responsibilities and being an adult is all about liabilities.- A person's first job signifies the first step of his adulthood. He now must learn to rely on himself and take on the responsibility of taking care of his daily needs. His parents no longer provide support and thus, adds to his pressure to learn how to live his life peacefully and in order.
Alongside a first job, marriage is also the event that prove that you are ready to become a person for many people to rely on. By marrying, you as an adult will need somebody to fulfill the happiness of having a new family 'a child'. Having a child is the moment when it will force you to be an adult since you will have to take care of your offspring to make your child fit in well with our society as well as your family. By way of example, envision yourself marrying and thus as time goes by you will have a child who needs you to rear. As a result, you cannot be a kid anymore since you will have to be a role model for your kids to provide them a good example of typical human being.- Aside from the job, marriage also proves the maturity of a person as it dictates taking responsibility for the life of your spouse and eventually, of your children. You are now an adult who can procreate and responsibly raise the next generation of humans who will also come into adulthood in their own time and pace. By taking on the responsibility of caring for another life, a person reaches the penultimate form of adulthood.
Shon, you should have just included a separate statement about your opinion. That is the only critique I can make about the content of the essay. You are developing quite well. Keep up the good work :-)