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The alteration of America's Appearance in 1948 and 2010


nelarizka79 16 / 21 1  
Mar 17, 2016   #1
The appearances alteration of America in 1948 and 2010 are illustrated by (in) the diagram. Overall, it can be seen that the main fact that stands out is that an infrastructure development established in 2010 replaced the previous buildings.

To begin with, there were several changes happened in both business sector and transportation sector in whole parts of the city, excluding in the southeast. First, the changes in business areas were showed by a huge number of commercial buildings extended in the north of canal, whereas six houses and a park belonged to in past 62 years. At the west part of this construction caused the demolition of local supermarket. However, it was transformed to a super market in the hub of the city, near the petrol station. In addition to this, the sports stadium was built in the southern most of the city substituting an old church.




giligrp 2 / 2  
Mar 17, 2016   #2
Overall, it can be seen that the main fact that stands outstanding out is that an infrastructure development ...

the sports stadium was built in the southern which is most of the city substituting an old church.

i think, it clearly describes the diagram. i am interested in your style of writing.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Mar 22, 2016   #3
Hi Nela, I would like to help in enhancing your analysis.

- The appearances alteration of America
- in 1948 and 2010 areis illustrated
- by (in) in the diagram.
- the main factinformation that stands

- changes that happened
- in both business sector and transportation
- sector in whole parts of thethe entire city,
- showedshown by a
- whereas six houses and a park
- belonged tostood in the past 62 years.
- AtIn the west part
- of this construction caused the demolition ofwas a demolished local supermarket.
- southern most part of the city

There you have it Nela, I hope the corrections are useful. What I noticed in this analysis is that it somehow lack some information, however, this will suffice, the analysis is written in a manner that the reader is able to grasp the information that is depicted in the illustration.
RAY93 35 / 186 136  
Mar 22, 2016   #4
The appearances alterationalteration appearances of America -->noun (singular)+noun (Plural)

, whereas six houses and a park belonged -->constructed in past 62 years.
tiraatira11 21 / 9 2  
Mar 23, 2016   #5
Hi, nelarizka
I would like to suggest you an alternative introduction.


The appearances alteration of America in 1948 and 2010 are illustrated by (in) the diagram. Overall, it can be seen that the main fact that stands out is that an infrastructure development established in 2010 replaced the previous buildings.

Here my introduction sample for you:
The map illustrates the changes that have been occurred in a city of America during 6-decade period beginning in 1948 and ending in 2010. The most noticeable modify was the replacement of factories and residential with several major commercial buildings.
liv_ryu 13 / 22 6  
Apr 10, 2016   #6
Let me give some suggestions:

1. Before you submit you essay, make sure that you have enough words to answer on IELTS writing task 1 since I just find 148 words in you essay. You need more words at least 165 words.

2. In my point of view, your essay is lack of information, you are able to add more about locations and directions as the language of map is different from bar char, pie chart, table, or line chart.

Eg. Preposition of locations such as in front of, opposite, next to, beside
Points on a compass such as in the north, to the east, just south, the west side


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