The alteration of annually distance dealt by person in various vehicles in two disparate years in UK

The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000.

A breakdown of altering of average distance each person per year in miles in types of travel in England from 1985 to 2000 is revealed in the table. Overall, it can be seen that in general, the distance of all modes of accommodation increased highly in 2000 and just three types (bicycle, walking and local bus) declined over 15-years period.

To begin with, there were six types of travel that the distance solely rose in 2000. Firstly, taxi and other modes of travel had the same number of distance which increased at around 130 miles in 2000. Manual distance of "local distance bus" mode in 2000 was approximately two times higher than in 1985 at 124 miles. Besides, the greatest improvement was car, when in 1985 it was at 3,199 miles and in 2000 it recorded at 4,806 miles.

On the other hand, there were three types of travel that dropped slightly in 2000. Firstly, the distance of walking and local bus was close behind at higher than 200 miles at 1985. After that, the distance of walking was a step decline of 15 miles and local bus fell extremely by 150 in 2000. Similarly, the distance of bicycle was 10 miles smaller in 2000 than in 1985.

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  Question
  

Hi Miss Wily.
I am gonna offer you a few corrections for your writing.


Avoid ambiguity. If you wrote that, readers will think that there were more than 2 times which will be explained. It is better on condition that you wrote "IN DIFFERENT TWO YEARS."


You stated that all modes increased. However, you mentioned again that there were 3 types declining.


Those sentences were so contradictive. Do not do that because it can effect on your task achievement.

Honestly, I have found the sense of the overview in your introduction. It is not enough attractive to be the general trend. Besides that, you are supposed to transfer your data to the meaningful description. For example, CITIZENS SPENT MOST OF THEIR TRAVELS BY USING A CAR IN THAT TIME FRAME.

distance which increased at around 130 miles in 2000

I have not found the data which you meant. Be careful of the inaccurate data. It relates to the task achievement. If there is the clear data, you did not use the words "Around/ approximately etc). The table displays the accurate data. Pay attention to the data because the examiner will emphasize about the accuracy.


There were much meaningless information. Its reason is because you did not convert the information of data to circumstances which is easy to be understood.

One of your problems is that you are rigid to describe the data. Make it easier to be read. Improve your flow with bringing to real meaning.

keep writing
GOOD LUCK

A breakdown of altering of average distance .....

Hi Tika, this is my taught towards your essay.
well, frankly, I would suggest that you should reduce any data in the introduction such as year or something like that. It is imperative that you should capture the overall information in the graph.

A breakdown of the information regarding the alteration of annually distance dealt with person in different vehicles in two disparate year in England, measured in miles is depicted in the table. Overall, it is important to bear in mind that the distance of all fleet had an upward trend while the converse appeared to be true in the figure for bicycle, walking, and local bus.

A heap of luck :))

Aloha Willy, here are my thoughts;

- Overall, it can be seen that in general, (this phrase is wasting words because of same meaning, so you can choose one. For instance,Overall, it can be seen that...orIn general,... )

- [...] just three types (bicycle, walking and local bus) declined over 15-years period(you'd better use present perfect for time signal "over")(15-year period // the period of 15 years)

- [...] six types of travel thatwhose the distance solely rose in 2000.

overall, your presentation is adequate even you have to explain more detail about comparison. Also, you'd better keep your flow coherent and cohesion so that it can be convenient to follow. I hope it can be helpful and I am waiting for your feedback