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IELTS ESSAY - alternative energy sources are too expensive


mormontre 6 / 9 7  
Apr 26, 2016   #1
Hi guys, I've been absent for a while since I've been studying a little bit more the grammar and vocabulary to improve my writings. Although I think that now I express myself a little bit better, I think that I should still work on some grammar, probably I should use more complex structures. And also, my conclusion is completely dull. I am practicing to do my essays in 30 minutes time so that I will be able to scan through what I've written to check for mistakes, so when it comes to the end I just try to finish it on time and every time I can't manage to find better ideas. What do you think?

Alternative energy sources that use the natural power of the wind, waves and sun are too expensive and complicated to replace the coal, oil and gas that we use to power our cities and transport.

To what extent to you agree or disagree with this opinion?


In these days governments are struggling to find an agreement on financial funding of renewable energy. According to some, fossil fuels are the most convenient choice in terms of settlement and management costs. On the opposite side, green energy will solve many environmental problems connected to pollution, such as overheating and recent greenhouse gases levels raises.

Firstly, and eco-friendly strategy that could cover all the energy requirements of our cities would lead to higher expenses. For instance, there will be the necessity for new implants and the configuration of our cities should change, in order to be the most suited to green energy. Secondly, solar plants require vast spaces, while wind turbines need to be placed far away from the city centre, since they make loud noises. What is more, not only some of these power stations are extremely expensive to manage, but also they need efficient ways of transporting the energy to our cities.

However, governments are already spending huge amounts of money because of the classical methods. Fossil fuels are extremely expensive to extract and they cannot be employed in their original status. To make them usable, they need to be refined and a lot of steps are involved in this process. For this reason, they are not easier than their recyclable alternatives. Moreover, the fumes due to their combustion are responsible for damaging the atmosphere. The increasing levels of carbon dioxide and greenhouse gases in the air are causing the overheating problem, which is definitely pricey to tackle.

In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the main idea that green energy is too complicated. Although it may need extra expenditures at first, it will save our planet and avoid further complications.

aviniwirastri [Contributor] 10 / 35 11  
Apr 26, 2016   #2
hi mormontre,

i like to read your opening, it is pretty good.
but i notice this phrase is confusing, "such as overheating and recent greenhouse gases levels raises "

advice : you need to understand how to arrange a noun phrase. pay attention to the structure of modifier and head.
"the rising level of greenhouse gases"

Firstly, and eco-friendly strategy that could cover all the energy requirements of our cities would lead to higher expenses.
after main idea, it will be best to give a reason sentence to support. ,then you can go on to the example.
For instance, there will be the necessity for new implants and the configuration of our cities should change, in order to be the most suited to green energy.

your example is too general, specific data based on research is recommended.

... expensive to manage, but also they need efficient ways of transportingto transport the energy to our cities.

comments : second paragraph is not well-arranged.
problems : linking words are not properly used.


paragraph 3 :
problems :
1. word choice ; it is good to do a little experiment to apply new words in your essay. but you have to make sure that the words will not lead to understanding problem and cause difficulty to the readers.

"employ" is better replaced by "utilize".
2. referencing problem. make sure that you refer the proper noun, if you do not accurately use it, it will lead to such ambiguous.

advice :
steps to follow : you have to always remember the pattern : idea-reason-example-result. so the idea and its supporting ideas are connected.
OP mormontre 6 / 9 7  
Apr 26, 2016   #3
strategy

Sorry justivy, I am finding some difficulties in understanding your suggestions.
Raise and rise: aren't they synonyms? When should I use one instead of the other?
Also,
What is more and furthermore: aren't they just the same?
Last thing:
I thought that not only.... But also was a fixed structure that shouldn't be changed. Am I wrong?

Thank you really much for helping me and for any further clarification. I am trying to see what I should avoid to write to make my scores fly high :)


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