Although we cannot emit automobiles from our world, they work destructive for our quality of life

Hello dear, this is my TOEFL essay, please help me to improve my writing.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
The automobile is the destroying our quality of life
I am of the personal opinion that one should the automobile is the destroying our quality of life, and such an opinion is based on the reasons elaborated below.

I believe that exhaust gases, which come from the cars pipe system automobiles cause of air pollution, which I suppose can be best illustrated by gases coming out of the cars contain of a lot of dangerous gases such as carbon monoxide, nitrogen oxide, they were threatening humans and fauna (animals). Moreover, I think I make a bit lazy in my life by automobiles, as in the case of when I was going shopping to close my house, do not walk on foot. I habit to go anywhere by automobile even near the place, so It is very bad for health and maybe I was suffering from heart disease in old age. Another point worth considering is the fact that one of the dangerous effect of cars, numerous accident which happened in every year, for instance researches show that yearly, in my country the number of deaths by automobile accidents are more than diseases, this deal is odd 70 percent. I would also like to point out that although automobiles cause of saver time, but in large city traffic congestion have more negative impacts, for example, wasting time for passengers; delays, which result in late arrival for employment and education, resulting in lost business and block traffic can affect emergency vehicles where, they are urgently need.

In order to wrap up I would like to reiterate that I think the automobile is the destroying our quality of life should agree with the statement, despite of we cannot emit automobiles in my life.

The first paragraph did not introduce any value since sentences constructed bring lack of background information and weak thesis statement. A closer look at my sample; Since Henry Ford introduced car, this automobile has drastically changed the way of life. In the past, people worked in village where they lived. Thanks to motor vehicle, people in village now do their job activities in city center by commuting. However, the use of this transport is believed to raise some undesirable consequences, such as traffic congestion, air pollution and highway accidents. Hope this helps. Eddy Suaib.

- I believe that exhaust gases, which come from the cars pipe system automobilescause ofcauses air pollution,

- which I suppose can be best illustrated by gases coming out of the cars that contain of a lot of dangerous gases such as carbon monoxide, nitrogen oxide, they were threatening humans and fauna (animals).

- Moreover, I think I makeI'm a bit lazy in my life by automobiles, as in the case of when I was goinggo shopping to close to my house, I do not walk on foot.

- I had the habit to go anywhere by automobile even near the place, so It is very bad for health and maybe I was suffering from heart disease in old age.

- Another point worth considering is the fact that one of the dangerous effect of cars, numerous accident which happenedhappens in every year,

- for instance researchesresearch show that yearly, in my country the number of deaths by automobile accidents are more than diseases, this deal is odd 70 percent.

Naph, I made a few corrections in your essay. I hope it helps.

Also, such tip that works for me, when you proof read your essay and it doesn't sound good, normally there is something wrong and you have to change it or figure it out.

Keep writing

Cheers!!!

This is an informative essay about cars! What you need though is better form. For example, you need separate ideas in their own paragraphs:

Moreover I think I make a bit lazy...

CORRECTED: (new paragraph)...Moreover I think I'm made a bit lazy...

This stands as its own paragraph. Also:

numerous accident which happen...

CORRECTED: numerous accidents which happen...(this is also a new paragraph).

If you seperate your intro and conclusion from the body paragraphs, and add two paragraphs, at least, your essay will be stronger, and more classic!

Otherwise, you convince the reader to take your point seriously.

Just pay some attention to your word choices, and verb conjugations.

Good job! You really make the reader reconsider their opinion about cars!

ef _ carol