hello i need an essay revised and it is also lacking word depth any help would be greatly appreciated.
Living the American dream today is almost like trying to keep up with the
times. Today there seems to be a struggle for people trying to achieve the American
dream. Such as the lower class people they are at the bottom of the ladder so to speak,
and also in the reading the economist: American equality and the American dream, it
states "On the other hand, the current wave of globalisation may not be widening the gap
between the poor and the rest. Indeed, the headwinds of the global economy are being
felt less by Americans at the bottom than by those in the middle. And those at the bottom
have different fears, immigration high among them." In contrast it seems that
globalisation is not affecting the lower class compared to the middle and upper class
people, but the biggest concern for the lower class people is the rising rate of
immigrants. I believe immigration is a growing problem today. Immigrants migrate to the
U.S. because of the land of opportunity and statistics show that even though they take
over the jobs that a native born would take, these industry places have actually
recovered from going out of business. And so with these industries and markets being
open they can help generate more jobs for the middle class and they can continue on
with their way of living. In Bruce Bartlett's the truth about wages: It mentions "another
possibility is that workers have been so beaten down by layoffs and givebacks in recent
years in the union that they are grateful enough just to have jobs, even if their pay
stinks." I agree with this statement because workers in this position cannot bargain their
wages but accept their position and the benefits they have. Furthermore, the American
dream is important we have a right to freedom and to be successful and we should
recognize it more because in some countries people are born into a type of controlled
system and are told what they have to do. But in America we can be born into a low
income family and succeed to be rich.
I kind of got lost in your essay. You started off well but then you start to lose fluidity.
Such as the lower class people they are at the bottom of the ladder so to speak, and also in the reading the economist... try and make it more fluid something like:
The people in the lower class are the ones that are burdened the most in this struggle. "The headwinds of the global economy are being felt less by Americans at the bottom than by those in the middle. And those at the bottom have different fears, immigration high among them." (The Economist)
In contrast it seems that globalisation is not affecting the lower class compared to the middle and upper class people, but the biggest concern for the lower class people is the rising rate of immigrants. Here i feel you are just repeating what the quote said.
Immigrants migrate to the U.S. because it's the land of opportunity. Statistics show that even though they take over the jobs that a native born would take, these industry places have actually recovered from going out of business. tweaked the sentence a bit and the highlighted in red i don't believe has anything to do with the sentence.
"...they are grateful enough just to have jobs, even if their pay stinks ." try using a different word or phrase: isn't as good as it should be
Furthermore, the American dream is important we have a right to freedom and to be successful no matter what social class we are in. Ties in the essay a bit more
^^^ seperated the two sentences
We should recognize our freedom more since in some countries people are born into a type of controlled system and are told what they have to do, but in America we can be born into a low income family and succeed to be rich. Changed it a little.
Overall I thought it was a good concept :) I hope i was able to help you.
Living the American dream today is almost like trying to keep up with the
times. (Now add a sentence that tells what these 2 concepts have in common.
Today there seems to be a struggle for people trying to achieve the American
dream. Too obvious. It has always been a struggle.
Do not begin a sentence with "such as"... Such as For example, the lower class people they are at the bottom of the ladder so to speak, and also, as explained in The Economist: "On the other hand, the current wave of globalisation may not be widening the gap between the poor and the rest. Indeed, the headwinds of the global economy are being
felt less by Americans at the bottom than by those in the middle. And those at the bottom
have different fears, immigration high among them" (give the author's name and the page number). In contrast, it seems...
In Bruce Bartlett's the truth about wages, he mentions, "Another possibility is that workers have been so beaten down by layoffs and givebacks in recent years in the union that they are grateful enough just to have jobs, even if their pay stinks" (page number). I agree with this...
Keep practicing!! Most importantly, use paragraphs. As you practice, make paragraphs that have 4 or 5 sentences.
:-)
