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IELTS1 - the amount of electricity produced by different fuels in Australia and France

s410377088 11 / 22 4  
Jul 29, 2019   #1

IELTS1- pie chart compare

The diagrams illustrate the amount of electricity produced by different fuels in Australia and France beginning from 1980 to 2000.

It is obvious that both countries experienced a huge increase in the production of electricity. In Australia, coal stood a vital percentage in producing electricity while in France nuclear power accounted for the highest percentage in 2000.

The total production of electricity increased by 70% percent to 170 units in Australia over two separate years while the amount in France doubled to 180 units from 1980 to 2000. Comparing the total production between Australia and France, we can find that France produced less electricity than Australia in 1980 but outnumbered it 20 years later.

Throughout the 20-year period in Australia, coal ranked the first on the contribution to produce electricity for more than 50%, while unclear power ranked second to account for about around 20%. In France, coal and natural gas contributed the most to electricity production in 1980 but nuclear power took first place in 2000, amounting to nearly 70%.

Maria - / 1,098 389  
Jul 29, 2019   #2
Hello there! I hope you're doing good. Let me provide you with writing feedback on this essay.

First and foremost, try to maintain an academic tone throughout your writing. You can ensure this by removing and/or replacing words such as "obvious" in order to articulate your analysis in a more concise manner.

I would also recommend looking into using appropriate punctuation for pauses. If you do this, you'll be able to manifest more effectively the right flow patterns that will allow you to effectively tackle the topic.

Try to be cautious of the structure of your sentences. Transition words such as "but" and "while" typically recommend that you place a comma in the word before them.

Best of luck as always.
nimbus2k2 8 / 25 6  
Jul 30, 2019   #3
Hey @s410377088
Your writing consists of no information on oil and hydro power. Of course there's no need to stuff all the figures in your writing, but there should be some comparisons for these 2 categories of the charts between 1980 and 2000.

The sentences are well-written. However, applying various different structures to them is definitely making them more impressive. Also use synonyms for repetitive words such as produce. Practice makes perfect.

Hope my feedback helps!

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