Hello Alfakurnia, just a little suggestion, you can take the photo of your graph in book, then upload it. Or you can googling it just type the title of the chart, and it usually appears in search engine, because many people already upload it for IELTS purpose. Please upload it in the next essay that you create because it is necessary for another people to give you suggestion.
And now, let's begin....
ilustrates illustrates the amount of money that has given by city council to the member of books club over a four- yearyears period
1. Illustrates ---> You make typo here
2. that ---> add connector to connect between the sentence: Take a look this :
The graph illustrates the amount of money. It has given by city council...... etc. ----> It is actually separated like this, so you must add "that" as a connector
3. the member ----> add "the" before, because it refer to your data.
first year and second yearthe first and the second year there was a slight increase.
4. Please make sure to AVOID WORD REPETITION in one word if its possible. You had mentioned word "year" two times, and i give you suggestion for fixing it.
5. Add article 'a' because if you don't add it, it mean double verb. "A" is used in the beginning of your noun because increase if I refer to your sentence must become a noun, not a verb since you add slight as an adjective, except if you use "slightly", it means adverb so your word "increase" can be verb.
Finally, in the fourth year, it
droppeddrops rapidly. The number of membermembers from the first year to the second year NOT fellfall slightly but increased gradually until fourth year.
6. PLEASE STUDY ABOUT THE USING OF ARTICLE "THE" AND "A"
7. SINCE YOU DON'T MENTIONED THE TIME SIGNAL (WHAT KIND OF TIME SIGNAL OF THE DATA, IS IT PAST TIME OR PRESENT TIME), I CONSIDER IT MAY BE PRESENT TIME, SO I GIVE SUGGESTION TO YOU BY USING PRESENT TENSE
As IT can be seen THAT the amount of money which has given from THE first year to THE second year increase by 2.500 and roseRISE extremely from 25.000 in THE second year to 40.000 in THE third year
but unfortunately , BUT/UNFORTUNATELYIT fellFALL to approximtelyAPPROXIMATELY 35.000 in THE
8. IT CAN BE SEEN ===> PLEASE ADD "IT" as the subject., because sentence cannot be presented without any subject.
9. CONNECTOR PROBLEM AGAIN
10. ARTICLE "THE"
11. ROSE ----> RISE (PRESENT)
12. BUT and UNFORTUNATELY have same function to contradict, so choose one of them.
13. APPROXIMATELY ---> TYPO AGAIN
You still have 2 month again in ENGLISH STUDIO, So, KEEP MOVING FORWARD and BREAK A LEG !!!