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Task 1 The Amount of Money Spent on Books in Four Countries in Europe


erin24 12 / 13  
Jan 18, 2016   #1
The line graph compares the amount of spending money on books in Germany, France, Italy and Austria from 1995 to 2005. The value was measured in millions $. Overall, it is important to note that, over a-10 year period, there were gradual rises in all the countries in amount of money spent on books, but Germany leads them over the period.

To begin, the amount of money spent on books in Germany and France stood at 80 and around 70 respectively. There was higher than two others. German experienced a gradual fall and sharp rise during period. Afterwards, the amount of spending money on books in France was a steady rise over following ten years.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, the amount of spending money on books in Italy stood at 50 and Austria stood at 30 in 1995, which was lower than two others. There was a fluctuation and followed by a steady increase in the amount of spending money on books in Italy. Then, Austria experienced a gradual increase and a sharp increase in the amount of spending money on books at around 62 in the end of period.




sntinn 8 / 36 9  
Jan 18, 2016   #2
Paragraph 1
Overall, it is important to note that, over athe ten-year period ,the amount of money spent on booksweregradually rose in all the countries , but Germany leads led them over the period.

Problems:
1. Inconsistent tense: there is a mix between present and past tenses.
2. Less variety of vocabularies: you may consider replacing 'rise' with increase, growth, advance, etc.
3. There is a problem about the accuracy in your description. You mentioned in paragraph 1 that " there were the rise in the amount of money spent on books in all countries...." however, in the graph, the one of Italy dropped from 1997 to 1999.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 18, 2016   #3
Erin there is a problem with the essay report that you developed. Although you managed to present the information in the chart. You should not have used the dollar sign in place of the actual word in your essay. That shows a lack of respect for your reader, the data, you are presenting, and indicates a sloppy attitude with regards to your work. Your writing automatically lost is credibility due to that simple as of laziness on your part. Remember, you are writing a professional report, not a Tweet nor a FB status update. So treat it with respect and type in an academic manner at all times.Now, to address the rest of your report:

... in millions $ MILLION DOLLARS.
... there were gradual rises INCREASES...
...but Germany leads LED...

...80 and around 70 respectively.
- Indicate millions of dollars as a reminder of the value being used in the report for the reader.

There THESE was WERE higher
...GermanY experienced a...
... during THE period.
... France was SHOWED a steady rise ...
...THE following ten...

50 and Austria stood at 30...
- Again, indicate the million dollars

...fluctuation and followed ...
around 62 in the end of period.
- You really have a problem remembering to indicate the amount actually spent.


Keep in mind that you have to be consisted when presenting the figures, most specially when in the millions of dollars. The accuracy of your report lies in the keywords that you use properly in the essay.


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