Amount of violence in films - ACADEMIC IELTS Writing task2 essay

Q.The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the level of violent crimes in the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There has been a lot develoment of commercial media industry in the 21century. As its develoment, our lives are more exposed to a variety of TV programme or films than the past few decades. It can be considered as a diversity of information but they can be also involved a lot harmful advertisement and programme which can affect our lives negetively so I am going to explain why there are more harm than good.

Nowadays, many parents are concerned their children who are exposed to a variety of TV programme which can be suggestive and violent. There are no doubt that young children can be influenced by thier circumstances. For instance, when they are watching movies feature of violence, they will be aquired some violent images then when they meet the same situation, they will try to react easily what they saw in the films. Although most of flims are supposed to have film rating, whenever young children want, the way of access is not difficult.

In addition, the police has been studied about where offenders can get some tragedy motivate from for few years and they find out that there are strong connection between violent films and rates of criminals. Offenders who has committed sex offense, for example, they tend to collect a lots of pornography and approach these kind of web sites regulary before they commeitt real sex criminal. It is refleted that they can be easily follow exact the same acting from the films.

On the other hand, others believe that films and TV can be played as freedom of the press so it shouldn't be regulated by anyone.

To sum up, some people believe that mess midea are supposed to play our freedom of the press but on others can be considered that it can affect to people in negative ways so I believe that there are stong connection between violent programme and rates of criminals. Not only the government should adopt more restrict system about levels of films but also parents have to give more caution for their children.

I think this sentence can be divided into two parts.

... ;you are comparing the lives today with ones in the past. So, you need to mention that.


....as aliceNN comments, this sentence is too long and therefore it sounds too complicated. It is important that your sentences read clear to the reader. For that, the best way is to write short and simple sentences.


... This sentence should have been in your introduction.

Well this is your hook and it does not have a direct reference to your prompt. You need to grab reader's attention with this first sentence and therefore it is important that it provides more effective entrance to your essay. So, always start with something that is more relevant and aligned with your prompt.


It's better you state your opinion firmly. It is the best practice to conclude your introduction for this IELTS task.