Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


analytical Argument GRE


busybee 4 / 14 2  
Dec 2, 2012   #1
[b"Over the past two years, the number of shoppers in Central Plaza has been steadily decreasing while the popularity of skateboarding has increased dramatically. Many Central Plaza store owners believe that the decrease in their business is due to the number of skateboard users in the plaza. There has also been a dramatic increase in the amount of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza. Thus, we recommend that the city prohibit skateboarding in Central Plaza. If skateboarding is prohibited here, we predict that business in Central Plaza will return to its previously high levels."][/b]

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

It has been recommended that skateboarding in Central Plaza be prohibited because the increase in the number of skateboarders has had an adverse effect on business there. It is insinuated also that the increase in this popular sport in CPlaza, has resulted in much litter and vandalism. Before such a recommendation is effected, we have to ask some pertinent questions.

In the last two years, business all over the world has been affected by the global economic climate, and it is not unusual for there to be a decline in business in most malls. To put the blame solely on the popularity of skateboarding is unfair and illogical. Hence the first question to ask is, how well was the mall doing before the last two years, Did is coincide with the global economic gloom.

Two years is a long time, and has there been new malls built around the vicinity of Central Plaza? If so, the regular shoppers would have gravitated to the new malls regardless of the popularity of skateboarding, and the co-relation between the decrease in business and increase in skateboarding is highly coincidental.

Has there been a decrease in population around Central Plaza? People move for a number of reasons. In Singapore, for example, families move to get within the school of choice of their children. Around the time, when parents register their children, will see much movement of population towards areas near premier schools. If Central Plaza was in the suburbs and parents prefer to send their children to schools in the city, they would move away, and this would affect the business of Central Plaza. If this is the case, the popularity of skateboarding has no effect on the business of CPlaza.

Has there been a change in the mix of tenants in the Central Plaza? If within the last 2 years, there has been an influx of office tenants rather than retailers, there would be fewer reasons to come to CPlaza for shopping. If this is the case, then, shopping opportunities would be diminished, not because of the presence of skateboarders or their sport.

Was there a survey done in the last 2 years? Since there are no statistics, it seems like an anecdotal evidence. Regardless, let's assume that a survey was done and numbers were taken. Even then, the questions I would ask are: At what times of the day were these numbers taken? At what times of the year was the survey taken?

If the survey was taken after school hours, it is inevitable that there would be more skateboarders than shoppers. and this would be the adverse effect should the survey take place in the morning, when kids are in school. Surveys done immediately after Christmas or any festive season would show a drastic decrease from pre-festive season.

Where were the skateboarders skating? The statement says that 'the skateboarders in the plaza'. I assume that the skateboarders are using the corridors for their sport. If this is so, shoppers would be fearful of their safety, and trying to dodge these skateboarders, and this would put the shoppers off. Even if this were so, the shoppers would have lodged complaints to the management. Were there any complaints? If there were, what was the action taken by the management? However, if the skate boarders were skating in a part of the plaza separate from the shoppers, and this space is exclusively for their sport, then there would be no basis to blam the skateboarders for the decline in business.

It is insinuated that vandalism and litter are connected to the presence of the skateboarders. What needs to be asked of the security and cleanliness department of the management of the building is: has there been any lay-offs of employees from the security and hygiene departments? Has any hygiene services been stopped due to cuts in budgets? Has any or both these departments gone on strike in the last 2 years? If the answers to these are yes, then the lack of patrols, and fewer shifts in picking up litter could be the reason for the rise in vandalism and littering.

Before the drastic step of prohibiting skateboarding is taken, a valid survey should be taken, and many questions like those above need to be answered. Perhaps creating a space for the skateboarders should be considered seriously, if one does not exist yet. THis would both attract the younger generation who are infamous for their impulse- buying habits, as well as give the regular shoppers space and safety to shop in Central Plaza.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Dec 4, 2012   #2
In the last two years, business all over the world has been affected by the global economic climate, and it is not unusual for there to be a decline in business in most malls.

In last two years, businesses all over the world have been affected by the global economic downturn. Though in different degrees, many malls experienced a decline in number of shoppers as a direct result of this recessionary effects.

It is also insinuated also that the increase in this popular sport in CPlaza, has resulted in much litter and vandalism

To put the blame solely on the popularity of skateboarding is unfair and illogical. Hence the first question to ask is, how well was the mall doing before the last two years, Did isit coincide with the global economic gloomturmoil .

I prefer "turmoil" to "gloom' as it is commonly used when describing economic situations.
OP busybee 4 / 14 2  
Dec 5, 2012   #3
Do I have enough points there?
Does the language need sophistication?
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Dec 5, 2012   #4
Yes... you have come up with very logical points that need to be considered before taking a decision.
Language is fine but you display lots of potential for further improvement.
I guess the following should be presented a little differently. It looks like you declare a point and stop at that level. Instead, you need discuss this point and then suggest an appropriate action to investigate this situation before taking their decision. That is how this whole essay flows : )

Two years is a long time, and has there been new malls built around the vicinity of Central Plaza? If so, the regular shoppers would have gravitated to the new malls regardless of the popularity of skateboarding, and the co-relation between the decrease in business and increase in skateboarding is highly coincidental.


Home / Writing Feedback / analytical Argument GRE
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳