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GRE analytical writing ..TOPIC (the need for global universities.)


NEHALB 3 / 7  
Jun 29, 2009   #1
Hi,
I have written an essay about "the need for global universities", can you please provide your comments about content and errors in my writing style ..

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The world is becoming flat more rapidly then ever before ,So we need to have educational institutes which will cater to the needs of globalized world. Global universities can play a very important role in creating a better world for all.

A global university of a good reputation will bring together top class minds around the world. these people will learn from curriculum of universities and competition within individuals .this healthy competition will benefit in the progress of knowledge in their respective fields, this may lead to increased research and new discoveries in that stream.

These Global universities can be hubs for knowledge sharing, students from a developing country can learn from these global universities ,knowledge which is not available in their home countries . When these student will return back to their countries they will be creating a lot of values and spreading the knowledge in their country. for example a student from Africa or sub Saharan country can learn advance medical science from a global school and help his/her fellow citizens get rid of the medical problems .on the same line a student of political science will learn a lot about politics from these global university which will be focusing on words politics rather then sectarian and zonal politics.

These global universities will mix people of various culture from around the world and this will increase awareness in students about culture and traditions of different countries. since most of the big companies today are multinationals , these students will be well prepared to work in a globalized world.

moreover due to increased globalization and reduced distances among the world the problems of world are also becoming global .these universities can be modeled to concentrate on solving universal problems like increasing pollution, o depleting ozone layer , global warning. these university can provide a solution which will benefit all the human being and these will be above national prejudices and priorities.

By only sharing knowledge among all we can create a peaceful word, free from suffering and ignorance . These universities will be paragons of education and model of excellent academic education.these will also function as a global knowledge center .In my conclusion there are numerous benefits of global universities and the world should have more of them .

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EF_Simone 2 / 1,987  
Jun 29, 2009   #2
If this is to demonstrate your abilities in the realm of analytical writing, you will need to offer more details and more sophisticated ideas. The ideas in the essay as it stands are fine, but rudimentary.

You'll also need to clean up your punctuation and phrasing, both in order to make your meaning more clear and to demonstrate advanced writing ability.

Start by capitalizing the beginnings of your sentences. This is such a basic rule. The capital, in coordination with the period and space that precedes it, helps to signal the start of a new sentence and, hence, a new thought.

Also don't just string together phrases -- some complete sentences, others not -- with commas. This:
These Global universities can be hubs for knowledge sharing, students from a developing country can learn from these global universities ,knowledge which is not available in their home countries .

Should be this:
These g lobal universities can be hubs for knowledge sharing; students from a developing countries can learn from these global universities, accessing knowledge which is not available in their home countries.

Notice that I have also removed the spaces between words and the punctuation marks that follow them.
OP NEHALB 3 / 7  
Jun 29, 2009   #3
thank you so much for your response. I will be care full about these things.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jun 30, 2009   #4
You might also want to explain in a bit more detail what a "global university" would look like. If it has a physical location, it must be in a specific country. Would it then become a regular university with a particularly high level of international students? And if it selected students based purely on merit, would it tend to favor applicants from certain countries (those with higher levels of good public education)? And would this tend to make it even more like a regular university with a few extra international students? If the application criteria were something other than merit, would that lessen the university's effectiveness? And would a global university offer different programs than a regular one? If so, explain.

You sort of hint at the answers to some of these questions, but your notion of what a global university is should govern your attempts to explain why we need one or more of them.


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