orkhan 12 / 19 Sep 26, 2012 #1hii am preparing for IELTS,so please help me to find out wrongs in my essay...The music is the separable part of our life.It has arisen from natural needs.In ancient times humans have formed rhythms by striking stones to each others.Later,simple musical instruments arose.At the present time music and musical equipments have developed very much.The music accompanies us from birth to death.It gives us aesthetic taste by giving rest to our brain and soul.Every our mood demands appropriate type of music.There is a saying that "Music is the food of soul".Almost it is used in every section of life,for example:in sport and army for encouraging ,in medicine for sedative aims,etc...We can seperate 2 types of music such as traditional and international music.Although to saying that "Music doesnt have language,religion and race",every nations have their specific traditional musics.Usually these types of musics are performed by special musical instruments that belongs to the same nations.Traditional musics informs us about the past and culture of one nation.From this view traditional musics must be keep alive for delivering cultural past to coming generations.But there is not place restiction for international music.This type of music is accepted all around the world and it is very popular.There are many branches of international music,for example:pop,rock,R&B,jazz...etcAccording to me these types of musics have to assume the same importance for each country and for each nations.Because to preserve traditional music is the preserving past and culture.At the same time widely spreading of international music is the demand of the time.Consequently,i think we can improve the international music by synthesizing it with traditional music.By this way we can preserve traditional music at the content of popular international music and we can make it more attractive for younger part of people.
Tran Tong 5 / 8 Oct 2, 2012 #2Hi Orxan,Please provide the requirement of task 2. Does it require agree/disagree writing style?About the introduction, it is long but unclear. Which side are you in? You support traditional or international music?About the body, you cannot express why traditional music or international music is more interested. You wrote too much about what is the traditional or international music which I believe is beyond the requirement.About the conclusion, I as a reader find myself confusing because I do not know what you want to say in this essay.About the style, according to my point of view not 'according to me'. Do not start a sentence with 'but' or 'and' as my manager who is a native often advices me that. I may overlook many things, but I hope you will find my comments useful.
