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trangmuel 1 / -  
Oct 20, 2018   #1

the use of animals for scientific purposes

"Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favour of them because of their benefits to humanity.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion."

In this day and age, animal experiment plays a pivotal role in the production of new medicines as well as their safety checking. While it is often stated that animal testing is morally wrong, I still lean towards a limited use of experimental animals for the sake of medical development.

On the one hand, take innocent creatures like mice or rabbits as the subject of research violates their rights. Life of all beings should be equally respected and human cannot judge or decide which one need to sacrifice for those experiments. Instead of carrying out such ruthless things, scientist had better seek for alternatives method without detriment to alive animals. Examining newly dead specimens or using computation to test or check the effectiveness of new drugs might be more humanitarian.

On the other hand, there are also supporters for the use of animal in medical purpose. Firstly, neither analyzing how lifeless bodies react to drugs nor evaluating through computers give out accurate result. In addition, experiments on animals is now implemented properly; therefore, not all of them suffer from death or serious diseases. Thanks to those being tested, new effective medicines are released and able to secure life of both human and other creatures. Moreover, if animals were exempted from being sacrificial victims, human would have no choice but devote themselves for experimentation, which might not be less cruel.

To conclude, although there are ethical argument against animal testing, I maintain my original position that the use of these species for medical purpose at a limited level should be accepted as a life-saving method.

Please check this essay for me following 4 criteria in IELTS WRITING. Thanks a lot !!!

Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Oct 21, 2018   #2
@trangmuel your opening paraphrase lacks a reference to the discussion instruction. What you did was give your opinion at the very end, which is not the right place for it because the prompt paraphrase part, the first paragraph, only allows for a restatement of the original discussion. Your opinion should be in the reasoning paragraphs because you need to develop your explanation upon presentation of your opinion. With the 5 sentence maximum sentence per paragraph, you cannot do that in the prompt paraphrase. Each body paragraph should have only one topic for discussion development. That is not done in the first paragraph. The last sentence of your paragraph should be:

As there are two points of view to this issue, I would like to examine these factors and build my opinion of the topic.

The example I made above shows you how to properly restate the discussion instruction without using memorized phrases. Speaking of memorized phrases, that is a clear problem in your body of paragraphs.

Your two reasoning paragraphs use the memorized phrases "One the one hand" and " On the other hand". Try to use clear topic sentences as the first line your new paragraph instead. That way you clearly indicate what the paragraph will discuss, giving the reader a better understanding of what you wish to say in the paragraph. I would have opened the paragraphs as follows:

Society admits that innocent creatures like mice and rabbits have what is called animal rights. That right is violated when experiments are performed on them... However, there are admitted medical advantages to experimenting on animals and rodents.

One of these advantages is that animals and rodents are known to have similar structures to human beings... That is why it is easy to understand the need to experiment in animals.

It is this need to medically test procedures for human use that leads me to believe that animal experimentation has benefits in terms of human health remedies...

Therefore, while... life saving method.

Again, using non-memorized phrases and transition sentences have more LR and GRA scoring advantages for the writer. It is better to show off your English comprehension and vocabulary skills in a manner that shows a clear understanding of the language as opposed to lines that you memorized in a class or from books and online sources.

I will not score you at the moment because this is your first post here. I always reserve the first post for correction advice which I hope to see applied in the second practice essay, which I will then score. This first essay is always used as an assessment of your skills and nothing more.