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Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test other products


AbIk 3 / 8  
Mar 18, 2015   #1
Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to
test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments
should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while
others are in favour of them because of their benefits to humanity.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In our days most medical and other products are tested on animals. Some people dispute that it is not right and desire to prohibit this method. Although others approve these experiments and think that this is advantageous for humankind. In the following paragraphs I shall discuss both opinions with benefits and drawbacks.

First of all, it is said that all experiments are done for welfare of humanity.

...

fadlanmuzakki 15 / 49 36  
Mar 18, 2015   #2
Hi Ablk, I would like to give several suggestions for your writing, I hope it can help you.

In our days

( I know you want to express that the general fact that happens in this day and age; however, I think that it will be inappropriate if you use for the beginning of your writing, commonly known as background or hook. I have discussed with native who work as an IELTS examiner and He points out that it is more likely to be a bullshit idea when student use nowadays, today, and in our days)

medical and other

(this is not coordinate as you use conjunction. It should be adjective and adjective. Moreover, you should make it clear [refer to other] whereas you want to make a general statement in this paragraph)

Some people dispute that it is not right and desire to prohibit this method

I need to read this sentence more than twice to get a fully grasp as to what you want to explain in this sentence. Owing to a rudimentary grasp using a coordinate sentence (and/or), your sentence is becoming harder to follow

In the following paragraphs I shall discuss both opinions with benefits and drawbacks.

I would argue that this sentence is a kind of lazy idea inasmuch as you cannot give a general view in order to what you want to say in body paragraph, I suggest you to give your opinion directly and give a general explanation as forewords of your thesis statement

First of all,it is saidIt is believed that all experiments are done for welfare of humanity(this is bad phrase) . There are different types of illnesses in the world, and scientists try to treat them(them refer to what?, make it clearer) . They invent new types of drugs. However, those drugs firstly must be assayed. Certainly, in this case more preferable(where is your pronoun here) would be experimenting on animals. For example, in early days of medical science most inventions like cures have been tested on people(I suggest you to rewrite such a sentence and make it clear) . Unfortunately, it was harmful not only for one generation, but also affected several consecutive generations. Undoubtedly, it is better testing on animals rather than(I suggest you to write your grammar book as to how to use rather than) injure lots of people.

On the other hand, some experiments are too cruel and unimportant. Some people are blinded with(this is not collocate) their ambitions. In laboratories animals(this is a bad phrase, can you rewrite this?) are kept in terrible conditions instead of gratefulness for their efforts and lives. Moreover, not all experiments are necessary. For instance, testing perfumeries on animals might be very harmful or even lethal for them. Obviously, animals also are alive creatures of the mother wild. Furthermore, all cures cannot be tested on animals. Perhaps organisms of some animals are alike, but not at all. One particular drug may be harmful or has several by-effects for people, but on animals it could not be recognized. (I think your example is not straight to the point)

In conclusion, experiments on animals can be in favor only for well-being of human beings(it is not easy to follow you flow sentence) . However, overdoing on tests and useless experiments should be banned.( I think you need to add a fear, suggestion, prediction in the last sentence of your conclusion. it is useful to generalize your conclusion)

I hope you do not mind as I strike a majority of your sentence. I am waiting for your feedback where it is possible and your thumb for my comment if you feel that these suggestions help you to improve your writing. Thank you very much. :)

KEEP SPIRIT, KEEP STUDY.
Niddumakhi 2 / 7 2  
Mar 18, 2015   #3
Hi Mr Ablk

To Mr Ablk
after I read your writing, I have some opinions
1. if this writing for IELTS task 2 ? you must remember that in Writing task 2 at least 250 words and you only write in 228 words
2. Introduction

In our days most medical and other products are tested on animals. Some people dispute that it is not right and desire to prohibit this method. Although others approve these experiments and think that this is advantageous for humankind. In the following paragraphs I shall discuss both opinions with benefits and drawbacksI suggest you to make clear thesis, if you make the sentece like that you can get some trouble when you arranged the conclution, for example I strongly belive that using animal for experimenting is not right .... .

thats all my opinion, also give me some correction if you have other opinions
If at first you do not succeed, try, try again
Keep spirit!

regards,
Niddumakhi 2 / 7 2  
Mar 18, 2015   #4
Hi Mr Fadlanmuzaki

after I read several comment I want to ask you about this

In our days
( I know you want to express that the general fact that happens in this day and age; however, I think that it will be inappropriate if you use for the beginning of your writing, commonly known as background or hook. I have discussed with native who work as an IELTS examiner and He points out that it is more likely to be a bullshit idea when student use nowadays, today, and in our days)

so, what is the best word for change nowadays, today or in our days ?
please help me to answer this question since I always use this words in my writing :)
ruslan321 1 / 1  
Mar 18, 2015   #5
Animal experiments should be banned because every year 1,4 mln animals die due to harsh experiments.
1 evidence: animals feel the pain whenever you will hit the dog it will try to bite you in response.
The reason people provide experiments just to earn money(99% of them) not to help the humankind. Because if those experiments would be connected with losses no one would invest in them.

I feel sorry for the animals because they can not respond consciously they got only instincts. It is the main difference between us we humankind got consciousness but act as an animals trying to survive

Thank you for your help(grammar) :)


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