Hello everyone, below is my writing on the topic of Animals.
Comments on IELTS marking criteria and estimated band score are sincerely welcomed!
Thank you very much for your time and support!
ANIMAL TOPIC: More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list.
What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?
[i]WORD COUNT: 278/i]
Nowadays, it is alarming that the lives of many species of animals on Earth are being seriously threatened, some have even been oppressed to non-existence. Numerous reasons contribute to this problem, whereas human holds the highest accountability. This essay will put forward some notable causes and suggest potential ways to tackle the issues.
Most of the negative impacts on animals are caused by human activities. Firstly, smokes and manufacturing wastes from factories around the world have caused serious environmental destruction. The air, land, and water qualities that all living beings share get heavily affected. It is evident that unlike the human, many vulnerable species cannot endure such extreme conditions. Secondly, since cities and farming areas constantly expand due to overpopulation, the home to myriad wild lives shrink in size. These two major issues are enough to jeopardize the existence of many creatures.
Nevertheless, there are several ways that countries can protect wild lives. A possible solution is that governments can designate areas for nature reserves. These carefully protected territories have a fine ecosystem that can cultivate and allow the many animal populations to thrive. To provide another direct solution, Chinese authorities once chose mates and manual aided the reproductions of pandas and rare elephants. At the time, these actions were vital to maintaining the continuation of these animals. Additionally, in regards to the effects of industrialization and urbanization, countries must impose stricter regulations to ensure sustainable growth. These controls are essential for long-term benefits.
The endangerment of many wild-life animals is real. Human is responsible for many of the reasons why this issue occurs. Hence, all countries should marshal their powers to revise the Earth's balance biosphere.
Hi jhhh11!
Your writing is clearly written
I just wanna provide you some vocab relating to this topic hope they can inspire you more!:)
You may say human acts upset ecological balance, cause loss of habitat, if ecological equlibrium cannot be restored, the wildlife habitat is permanently damged and irreversible.
You can also say urban sprawl for urban expansion
For the solutions, you may mention setting up a buffer zone between cities and forests and carry out deforestation or having country park:)
Thank you @Waterloop! Your phrases are priceless!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 In truth, the way that you wrote the essay does not really offer clarity in the discussion. You are being asked for specific reasons and solutions. Yet, upon close scrutiny of your response paragraphs, there are only alleged reasons, without any underlying supporting statements. There are no examples to validate your proposed causes. That makes the presentation little developed, regardless of the reasons you proposed.
When indicating the cause, you should always include an example of what species was affected. For example, you could have said that incessant clearing of the forest and the burning of trees for urban development caused the Pandas to lose their natural habitat. That this act brought the species close to extinction. Further explain what effects these acts had on the Pandas that required their rescue and declaration as a protected species.
Such a developed explanation would have heavily supported your explanation that the government had to protect the species from extinction by breeding them and creating protected habitats. These are the perceived solutions to the immediate problem. The problem and example of the problem must related directly to your solutions because the coherence of the essay will rely on the connected discussion presentation from the first to the next paragraph.
I believe that your work is good but needs more clarity and coherence work. So I rate your work a 6 overall. Work on the coherence of the explanations so that you can increase your writing level and fall under a higher band score.
