[IELTS Task 2] The animals are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea.

The animals are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in the sea.
What are the reasons and Solutions
Answer:
It is undeniable fact that many species of animals are in danger of extinction due to human activities not only on land but also in the sea. The increasing numbers of illegal hunters and the accumulation of plastic waste in the ocean are the main reasons this issue occurs. Implementing a licensing system to hunt animals and changing plastic in the packaging of the product could be feasible solutions to reduce the problems.

One of human activity which threatens many endangered animals is a hunting activity which the number of people who are interested in becoming more and more. An act of hunting wild animals is recognized as a hobby for wealthy people because it is a costly hobby. It can be seen in 1995 that many wealthy people become hunters to show-off their wealth to the society around them. Another major issue with similar implications is using plastic in many products. As a result, the plastic which difficult to recycle is dumped into the ocean and destroy the homes of millions of aquatic creatures migrate to another place in order to seek refuge, such as turtles which are considered an endangered species.

Licensing in hunting animals should be developed to control all hunters in their poaching activity. This regulation can protect endangered animals from the threat of extinction. For instance, people should have a license for hunting animals before getting into the forest. This system was successful to decrease animal mortality rates by 20% in the Amazon forest. In addition, switch plastic packaging to environmentally friendly materials should be implemented by corporations who use the plastic material for their product covers, so the ocean may not burden garbage anymore.

In conclusion, to hold back the number of hunters, the government should build a licensed system as well as replacing plastic use with environmentally friendly materials in order to avoid widespread damages in the sea.

... are in danger of extinction due to... Moreover, it is not only on land, ...
... main reasons of this issue occurs. ... the plastic infor the packaging of the product could be ...

... animals is a hunting. activity Today, the number of ... An act of Hunting wild animals ... it is a costly hobby prestige. ... people become became hunters to show-off their wealth to ...

... creatures migrate to... refuge, such as turtles ...

... should be developed legalized to control all the ...
This system was will be successful decreased animal ... forest (close to 20%). In addition, switch the plastic packaging which is environmentally ... the plastic material for their ...

... government should build arrange a ...

Notes :
- good ideas, but please pay attention with the sentence (some word are missing)
- please add more your vocabulary to avoid the repetition
- try to use conjungtion, however, it should be on point
- be careful with complex sentences

Good luck!

Al, you cannot write such a research heavy essay for a Task 2 topic. There is not going to be any internet connection at the testing center. You are also taking a pen and paper test. Both of which eliminate the possibility of you being able use references for your opinion essay. You must always use your personal opinion and knowledge for the discussions. While this essay is impressive in terms of data, this is not an essay that you will be able to write during an actual test. Therefore, I cannot say that you would be able to write an essay that can pass the test. Not when you use data and information that obviously come from research sources.

You are not going to be graded in the accuracy of your data. You are being graded on your ability to explain your personal opinion in English, within 3-5 sentences. You will get a good grade even if you use only basic information as you know it for writing the essay. Don't make up information though. Just discuss as you would using the limited knowledge that you have. It is the English language use that is graded heavily. The clarity and coherence of your discussion is more important than the research information you can provide. Any information you provide for the essay will score better if the examiner can clearly see that it comes from your understanding of the topic.

I am not saying you wrote a bad essay, I am saying that you wrote the essay in the wrong manner. I will withhold advice regarding content and grammar problems until your next essay, which I hope will be based on your personal knowledge instead of researched information. That is because I want to make sure that you get useful advice regarding how to improve your work. Since you did not really follow the writing instructions this time, I should give you another chance to prove your writing skills in the proper manner.