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Animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans


joshdiamond 1 / 1  
Feb 2, 2021   #1

ANIMAL EXPLOITATION - IELTS WRITING TASK 2



A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Essay:
People's opinions differ as to whether or not animals should be used to serve human life. Although there are some strong arguments against the employment of animals, personally I still believe that it is a necessary aspect of food production and research.

On the one hand, there are two main reasons why animal exploitation should be banned. Firstly, it is recognized that animals have consciousness as well as the capacity to experience pain, fear, and even distress just as humans do. Supporters of animal rights therefore argue that humans have no right to subject animals to the trauma of being slaughtered or tested on, as the benefits to humans do not justify the suffering caused. Secondly, many biologists would agree that exploiting animals excessively can lead to biodiversity loss and disturb the ecological balance. For example, a considerable number of marine species such as tuna are on the edge of extinction mainly as a result of overfishing, and surely this will have a dramatic influence on the marine ecosystem.

In spite of the above arguments, I believe that abolishing all forms of animal use in human life is completely impractical. Livestock not only serves as a major source of meat and other products for humans, but also provides job opportunities for those in rural areas. Eliminating the use of these animals therefore may cause unnecessary difficulties, including food shortage and a rise in unemployment. Similarly, medicines and other products are routinely tested on animals to measure their effectiveness and make sure that they are cleared for human use. If animal experimentation is banned, I suspect that new, unproven drugs might be instead even directly tested on humans, and this is simply unacceptable from an ethical perspective.

In conclusion, it seems to me that it would be wrong, on balance, for humanity to stop using animals for our own purposes. (309 words)

P/s: To be honest, I have read some threads in this website in which the Holt advised students to use the 5-paragraph format for the discussion essay. However, a quite well-known IELTS teacher who is an ex-examiner has said that it is unnecessary and I just need to mention my opinion in the third paragraph, along with the introduction and conclusion. I am quite confused about that!!!

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,301 3341  
Feb 2, 2021   #2
Different teachers have different writing styles that they teach their students. I teach differently from the person you consulted. My way works for the students here, who do not consult with other IELTS examiners / tutors. They learn my way, they pass using my way, with the highest possible scores based on my writing method. Since you already have a tutor for your IELTS test, you should learn only his way of writing. Do not confuse yourself by trying to learn 2 different writing styles. Only your score and your writing skills will suffer. Now, knowing that you already have a tutor on hand, I cannot give you advise regarding your current essay. The last thing I want to do is confuse you and make you second guess how you should write your essay. Follow your teacher. I am not going to come in while you are learning how to handle these tests, give you different advise, and leave you confused. Follow the teacher whom you think will give you the better score. In this case, you have already learned from someone else, do not go looking to change your writing formula at this point. It would be detrimental to your learning process.
OP joshdiamond 1 / 1  
Feb 3, 2021   #3
@Holt
I am afraid that you have misunderstood it, and I am sorry about it. The one I mentioned is not my teacher, he just posted his lessons on his blog and I just read some of his comments related to discussion format. I just study IELTS on my own and need advice for this essay to improve my writing skills.

After posting this thread, I also found a problem of this essay. I do not mention why "they should have the same rights as humans" in the second paragraph and I am not sure whether I will get a lower TA score as I do not address all parts of the task. Could you give me some advice about it?. Anyway, thank you in advance.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,301 3341  
Feb 3, 2021   #4
After a meeting with the forum administrators and careful consideration of your explanation, they decided to exempt this post from the single response allowance from the Educational Consultant. I was instructed to review your paper and give you advice as it may not prove to be too problematic for you to receive advice from me. This is a one time deal. The final decision, as to whether I will continue to guide your learning or not really depends upon you.

The main reason why I advise my students to either present a personal opinion for each public opinion or create a separate paragraph for their personal opinion is simple. You are scored on the clarity of your opinion as a part of the TA score. Therefore, you need to clearly explain how you came to decide on your opinion based on factors, considerations, examples, and your understanding of the public opinion. If you choose to give a personal opinion for each public opinion, you deliver a comparative personal opinion to the examiner based on each of the public opinion. Clearly showing how and why you came to your opinion for each presentation and meeting the "discuss both views and give your opinion" in a short but efficient form.

If you opt to use the single opinion presentation, then you show a clear support for one public opinion based on additional information coming from your personal knowledge or experience, which will help further show your increased understanding of the topic and, your ability to explain your opinion in English. It also shows that you analyzed both discussion points and weighed the validity of each argument, thus leading you to decide on a specific public opinion to support.

Either discussion presentation is acceptable in the Task 2 essay.

For me, it is important that my students increase their TA score because that section alone can help you get a passing score if written correctly. I know other tutors believe otherwise but my students have regularly gotten above the 7 mark, with some of them achieving the 9 score depending upon their English fluency and, because of our focus on what I believe to be the most crucial scoring factors in the IELTS test.

I am not saying the person whose opinions you read is wrong, I am just saying that what I teach is different and works for the students whom I teach. As for who you should listen to, that is a personal opinion that I cannot help you with.

In my opinion, you totally skipped a reasoning paragraph in this presentation. You spoke of animals should not be exploited, based on the public opinion. So that is reasoning paragraph 1. Where is reasoning paragraph 2 that explains why others believe that it is necessary to use animals for specific means? You cannot discuss that as a personal opinion immediately because of the prompt requirement that indicates a separate discussion point for that reason:

...others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.

You will indeed receive a lower TA score because your response is incomplete. Not only because you failed to explain, as a part of your personal opinion, why animals should have rights similar to humans, but because you failed to address the other public point of view explanation in your body of paragraphs. My point of view is that this should have been a 3 reasoning paragraph essay, totaling 5 paragraphs. If you look at the instructions, the number of reasoning paragraphs was clearly indicated:

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

If you analyze the instruction, the reasoning paragraphs are:

Par. 1: First public POV
Par. 2: Second public POV
Par. 3: Personal opinion that considers the 2 public discussion reasons in its statement.

The clarity of the discussion paragraphs becomes clearer to the examiner, your TA approach is properly formatted, and your C&C presentation will show a direct connection between the 3 paragraphs once you use proper transition sentences at the end of each topic discussion.

Again, this is based on the way I teach and not any one else's teaching method. If this is not the method that you learned from the other person and you feel that my approach is not the right approach, then please, do follow the other approach. I am not forcing you learn my method as you might continue to get confused by trying to listen to and follow opposing instructions. Use whichever writing method you believe will help you score better and will be more prompt responsive in the end.


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