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The animals should not be kept in the zoos - such isolation is harmful for them


jorash 1 / -  
Nov 8, 2019   #1

IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - ZOOS ESSAY



Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be closed down. Others however believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals.

Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.


Opinion is divided with one group believing that zoos should not be exist because of their cruelty whereas others are of the view that wild animals can be protected in the zoos. This essay will discuss both views and then I will give my own perspective which is any kind of animals should not be held in the zoos.

On the one hand, there are people who believe that zoos should be banned completely. The main reason for believing this is that they are all inhumane and against the animals' rights. This is because animals are put into cages or any kind of enclosed spaces that restricts their lives, and as a result, human beings make them fully isolated from ecology. Furthermore, being in the zoos decreases the survivability of animals. If some of beasts are secluded from the nature, they cannot live where they are held. A good example for here is the fact that polar bears cannot survive in the zoos, because they are programmed to live on the polar areas only.

On the other hand, there are those who claim that it can be beneficial to safeguard wild beasts in the zoos. The main reason for this is that it can avoid extinction of endangered species. In today's world, more and more wild animals are under threat of extinction. If sufficient life conditions are provided for these wild creatures, their breeding may be secured, and they become more survival. In addition, zoos can give shelter them from human attacks. Nowadays, humans hunt wild animals without consideration of their extinction for hobby or commercial purposes. For example, endangered jaguars are hunted by humans because of selling their fur coat. Thus, it can be prevented by protecting them in the zoos.

In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance, however, I tend to believe that any type of animals should not be kept in the zoos, because this isolates them from the ecological environment and reduces their survivability. In my opinion, wild animals can be protected in their nature if governments pass the strict laws against hunting and provide them suitable life conditions as free from human effects.

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Nov 13, 2019   #2
@jorash
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! Hopefully, my feedback sheds light on how you can improve your writing.

First and foremost, I find that the transition between the paragraphs to be slightly ineffective because of the lack of organic transition. What I would prefer to see more of a diverse and innovative approach when you are writing. This will definitely boost and/or enhance the writing's overall trajectory.

Furthermore, when you're giving out examples to back your data, try your best to stick with information that is based from concrete data. This will help improve the essence and core values that you are trying to promote in your writing.

Taking things further, I also recommend that you work on your concluding remarks. This portion should go beyond merely giving out a personal opinion on the topic. Rather, this should be an extended analysis on what you have discussed in the body parts of the writing.

Best of luck.


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