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More animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on endangered list. Causes? Solutions?


totrangto 1 / -  
Jul 3, 2019   #1

many animals in danger of extinction



In recent times, the increasing quantity of species coming almost to the brink of extinction or being endangered has been an aching problem in many societies. This essay will give an insight into the reasons for this issue and several actions could be taken to mitigate that.

There are certain number of factors contributing to the ever-increasing extinction rate, two noticeable ones that could be considered are the habitat loss and poaching activities. It is an actual fact that the mass destruction of forests by humans, which serves to increase space for cultivation and develop urban infrastructure, has really posed a threat to wildlife's habitat; leading many animals to lose their natural home. This is not to mention that environmental degradation has been also resulted in the species' loss of habitations, for example, it is reported that climate change and global warming have caused a drastic reduction in the number of Alaska polar bears as ice, their shelter, is melting due to the increasing temperature of the Earth. The another culprit for the alarming rate of extinction could be identified as illegal wildlife trade and poaching in many nations, which benefits people in fashion and pharmaceutical industry. Human beings' Illegal hunting crocodiles for skin, used to make luxurious fashion items, is a case in point.

However, there are various steps that the governments could take to alleviate that problem. Adopting policies to ban on deforesting and trading and poaching wildlife illegally must be high on the agenda of the governments all over the world. Keneya, an African country in which an overwhelming proportion of animals under threat of extinction, has cracked down on crime related to poaching cases by using heavy weapons such as armoured fighting vehicles to capture offenders. Last but not the least, it is crucial that the authorities and environmental organizations establish several conservation areas. By doing so, there will be more wildlife sanctuaries for rare animals, which would not only preserve species and genetic diversity but also protect them against poachers, thus preventing them from total disappearances.

To recapitulate, mass deforestation and poaching are the two primary causes of species in danger of extinction. It is suggested that the governments impose stricted bans on wildlife damage and establish protected areas for rare animals.

(This is my answer for IELTS writing task 2. Pls leave your comment and give me my band score for that essay. Thanks a lot!)

LUNA94 1 / 3  
Jul 3, 2019   #2
Used a wide range of vocabulary and grammar, and clear examples in two main paragraph.
I will give a band 7.5.
nimbus2k2 8 / 25 6  
Jul 5, 2019   #3
Hello! I see some wording mistakes:
"There are certain a number of factors"
"The another culprit"
"It is a actual fact"
"illegal wildlife trade"
"to ban on deforesting"
"Last but not the least"
"impose stricted bans strict prohibition on wildlife damage"

In this phrase this is an active verb, not passive:
"environmental degradation has been also resulted in the species' loss of habitations"

"Coming almost to the brink of extinction" and "being endangered" are of the same meaning, so just use one of them.

With better wording and your abundant vocabulary, this essay is sure to get a band of 7.0 or even higher. Keep trying! Hope you get the best from my advice!
Maria [Contributor] - / 1,047 372  
Jul 6, 2019   #4
@totrangto
Hello.

I see that you're new to the forum. Welcome! I'll provide you with writing feedback.

I find that you have used quite laborious language. I would recommend toningnit down a little bit to add more of a structured and dynamic approach wherein you do not necessarily only have chunks of lengthy texts.

Remember also that depth is more important. Therefore, adding more concrete examples will help you curate substantive content.

You should also be cautious of the structure and grammatical appropriateness of your writing. Always refer back to your English reference materials. Observe the last half of the essay.

Best of luck as always.


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