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Annual expenditure in Scotland - comparing pie charts

agus_mono 13 / 23 2  
Mar 29, 2017   #1
The three pie charts show the change in annual spending by local authorities in Someland in 1980, 1990 and 2000.

government spendings on six aspects in three decades

The pie charts compare about the percentage of annual expenditure which Someland's local government spend in six aspects in three decades (1980, 1990 and 2000). Overall, it is interesting to notice that the local government spent most budget for higher education, while they allocated least for other aspect.

At the beginning of period, education and transportation got bigger fund then others. The local government expended almost a half of their budget for higher education during the period. In contrast, although lower education stood at a quarter in the first decade, it decreased gradually to 18% in the end of the period. About 16% of annual outgoings was spent on transportation in 1990, and it rose to 22 percent in the end of period thought the middle decade showed a 16% less than the end of period.

On the other hand, the rest aspects such as environmental services, health and human resources, and other gained only under a fifth of expenditure. Other fell slightly during the period, while environment services faced a slowly grow over three decades. Health and human resource aspect went down to 10% in 2000 although it raised 20% in the1990.

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Mar 29, 2017   #2
Hi Agus, I have read your writing closely. There I found a few things you are supposed to fix them.
Firstly, if you wanna achieve a high score, pay attention to the collocation of your word. For example, you wrote "spend in" although word "spend" relates to the preposition "on". This is actually a minor error, but that can reduce your score on condition that you do repetitively. After that, please keep in your mind that the good paragraph should have at least three sentences to meet the requirement. You can separate your overview to become two sentences so that you can build the good paragraph.

Turning to the body paragraph, you actually made comparisons in your sentence. However, you have to be more aware of the number. If you wanna compare the percentage of the figure, you are used to including the beginning position such as the percentage of the education sector. Following this, double check your sentence. You have to make sure what your write is what you mind. In the first sentence of the second body paragraph, you didn't put the time information. Be careful of that treatment because it can make your score falls.

Hopefully, these can help you for finalizing your writing

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