Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and assignment below:
Prompt: When people form opinions about someone or something, what affects them most is not substance but style. In other words, the way something appears or is presented is more important than what it actually is. This principle affects how people look at their leaders and their lives, the books they read, the products they buy, and even the subjects they take at school.
Assignment: Is style more important than substance? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
Here's my essay:
Don't judge a book by its cover. People in this society have many sides. They use lavish clothes, precious jewelry, and extraordinary style to camouflage their true selves. As time passes by, the beauty and expensive camouflage will slowly fade off the stage. What is left in the end is their true self inside. For hundreds of years, many literature, and idioms have been passing down one generation by generation to tell one great truth that one's inner self is what builds this person and create one's personality and uniqueness. One's soul is the only things that is real and all those wealthy camouflage just an ordinary add-ons to the powerful inner substance.
Appearance is a liar. It is a big barrier to stop you from discovering the true potential. In the famous Australian short story "American Dreams", Peter Carey had written about how the townspeople were obsessed with American goods. In the story, the townspeople loved American Cars. The American Cars had pretty colors, cool design, and famous brand. The Narrator's father got an American Jeep but barely used it. The Jeep is not as good as its cover and advertisement. The car itself is actually not very useful. The car had lost its purpose even though it owns the best design in the world. Somethings are pretty, but not as useful. If a subject does not fulfill its purpose, then their appearance is a waste. The obsession did not stop, and in fact the townspeople started to use the newly imported American paint which was well advertised and gorgeously styled. They tried to use the paint to brush over the old cracks on the wall. But the new paint had been faded after a few days. The beautiful cover of the American product had once again become a pretty little liar. Even though the American paint had an attractive package, but its actual substance does not deserve such a pretty cover. The effectiveness of a product is determined on one's purpose and usage not its camouflage cover. The townspeople wanted to change the town so they painted the old cracking walls. By painting the outer look of the town did not really change the broken houses. The old cracks still remains. Quickly, as the paint faded, the towns still shows up with those same old cracks, nothing changed. Just by painting the wall did not really fix the problem of the cracking walls. One must fix the substance of the wall to be able to make it stronger and prettier without worrying that one day it will faded again. When changing into a good person or a beautiful town, one must change his or hers inner soul to be able to really change itself. Otherwise, even though a beggar wears tuxedo, he is still a beggar with the same old bad personality and behaviors. One's inner substance is way more important than the outside appearance.
People with a good heat will always be a good person even though they tried to cover it up with bad clothes. But people with a bad heart will always be a bad person no matter how hard they tried to make their camouflage look nice and pretty. Cinderella had been loved by the price, and Elizabeth in "Pride and Prejudice" had been loved by the wealthy Mr. Darcy. The prince loved Cinderella not because of her flashy dress, in fact she did not wear the most gorgeous dress, and he loved her for her good heart and great kindness. Also, Mr. Darcy loved Elizabeth despite the fact that she is just a farm girl and not as rich as him to be able to wear a pretty dress. People loved one's inner soul more than one's outside appearance. No matter how pretty one is, one day the beauty will fade off, and what will left forever is the inner substance. It is very important to build himself or herself with a good substance than to try to use fabulous clothes to camouflage the ugly substance inside. What really matter to people is having a good soul. As long as one had a good soul, one will be beautiful despite their appearance. People always cared about something that will not be peeled off easily, one's inner self.
I will help you with the first paragraph and I hope it helps;
Never judge a book it's cover. People in society have many sides. They wear lavish clothes, put on precious jewelry, and have an extraordinary way in which they camouflage themselves.
Hi Natasha, first of all, your essay is quiet long for what is asked of the prompt. You seemed to stretch your idea too far that it's already quiet redundant. This technique in writing can be used only if you are prompted to or you have word restrictions in the guidelines.
I also notice that your sentences are lacking the correct linking verb that is necessary to the completion of the idea in the sentence. Having said that, in your revision, mind the linking verbs you associate in your sentences, one of the practices I want to share is reading your sentences out loud, usually is something sounds off, that means you need to change something in the sentence construction.
Overall, the revision lies in the heart of the sentence construction, try to shorten the essay, eliminate unnecessary repetition of your ideas and just include the necessary ones.
