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The apple campany's slogan: "Think Different" has become a motto of the new generation.


CharlesD 1 / 1  
Jan 10, 2015   #1
Hi everyone, I am taking my first SAT on Jan 24th and I hope to see what score can my current essay achieve. Are there any techniques that I can improve my writing to a higher score? Thx~

Do people succeed by emphasizng their difference from other people?
The apple campany's slogan:"Think Different" has become a motto of the new generation. Indeed, in a board society, one must stand out of the crowd to be successful. Steve Job's achievement as an entrepreneur was base on his innovative mind;James Cameron's success as a director was result from his different perspective on movies.Therefore , only by emphasizing their differences from others can people become successful.

Emphasizing one's difference from other's can demonstrate one's creativity.Walt Disney, the pioneer of animation movies started his career by setting up a amall company to make short cartoon videos. When the whole society viewed cartoon as childish and irrelevant to full length movies,Disney determined to make full-length cartoon movies for both kids and adults.His idiosyncratic idea was soon mocked by media.They said it's completely fantasy. undeterred Disney applied varions techniques including vivid characters and interesting plots.The snow white not only became a huge success but also opened a new area for animation movies. It was exactly Disney's different view and idea that contributes to this success.Therefore, only by emphasizing ones difference from others can one become successful.

Emphasizing one's difference from others can show one's unique view and value. Heward Roark, the protagonist in Ayn Rand's fiction. The fountainhead was a talented young architect who always has innovative thoughts on architecture. While the whole society value the baroque style of buildings, Roark considered that style too affected to preserve a building's natural building.He valued the modernize style initiated by a retired architect Janes and leared the essence of architecture from Janes. Prompted by his belief, he designed several magnificent buildings that shocked the public. However, driven by jealousy,other architect demamed Roark on his modernize style and tried to prevent his innovative process.They bribed media and newspaper to denounce Roark's design making him poor and helpless.Roark however,never stop his creatives design and refused to compromise to the "mainstream" of architect.finally, with his persistence for perfection and idio syncretic view, Roard can never precent his innovative mind to public. It's exactly his idio syncretic mind and acclaim that contribute to his success.

Both Walt Disney's and Heward Roark's experiences tell us that emphasizng one's difference can leads to success.No matter how hard it might be, one must stand out of the crownd to become successful.

1、 Is the proportionate of narrative &analysis proper?
2、 Do opening and ending paragraph attractive?
3、 Does each body paragraph clearly stated each example and is relevant to the major thesis?

This is my SAT practice essay. I hope to receive some advice from you~

stretchthelimit 5 / 9 2  
Jan 12, 2015   #2
1、 Is the proportionate of narrative &analysis proper?
Hi, your essay has no 'narrative' portion. What do you mean by this question?

2、 Do opening and ending paragraph attractive?
The opening and ending lines are okay, not very eye-catching. But they worked.
I like your first paragraph because it shows that you are familiar with the big names and their success stories.

3、 Does each body paragraph clearly stated each example and is relevant to the major thesis?
Maybe it's just me, but to me, your body paragraphs are not clear cut, and not focused enough.
Maybe you want to brainstorm 3 topic sentences then develop from there.
Anyway, I also felt like you were trying to jam pack many examples into this 2 page essay, which really isn't necessary. Maybe you can choose 3, and develop more.
OP CharlesD 1 / 1  
Jan 13, 2015   #3
@stretchthelimit Thank you for your evaluation. I just feel that 25 minutes is so short for an SAT essay that two body paragraph enable me to put more focus on narrating the example rather than commenting it, thus saving my time of thinking.

About your essay, as I am just a junior now, I have no idea about writing an applicational essay~ But I feel that from reading it one can know your motivation clearly, but will maybe less likely to be moved by your story. Just personal advice~


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