This is my first time here. Please recommend my work on IELTS essay
People should be allowed to continue to work for as long as they want to, and not be forced to retire at a particular age such as 60 or 65. Do you agree or disagree?
Considering whether the age should be set up as a criterion for people to retire at 60 or 65 years old, I believe people should be able to choose whenever they want to stop working life. However, it depends on personal situation and occupation.
We cannot argue that people in elderly age group have gained an invaluable experience and knowledge in their profession. These expertise can be benefit to their team, work and organization. Doctor, for instance, take many years to develop their expertise to be able to diagnose their patients' symptoms precisely. As a consequence, most of the time we find that doctors who are in senior level can cure or help their patients quicker than those who are new graduates or junior doctors. Thus, elderly in some career should be able to use their expertise and feel being valued.
In deed, people aged over 60 could feel worthless if they have to stay out of work. In case of some people, for example, who are dedicate and have been working hard for the whole of their life, before reaching the age of 60, many evidences show that these people face with emotional problem after retirement such as anxiety.
Nonetheless, though the elderly people have a lot more experience than the young people have, not every occupation could have the elderly for work. Clearly, it is true that expertise and skills are important to achieve the best outcome, but some careers require new generations who have more energetic, are stronger and faster or be able to use new technology. Some examples of these type of work are personal trainers, waiters or waitress and engineers.
In short, there may be some reasons why people aged over 60 should be allowed to keep their working life even though it cannot be applied to all occupations. Over all, I strongly agree that age should not be set for retirement.
Here are my suggestions;
Considering whether the age should be set up as a criterion for people to retire at 60 or 65 years old, I believe people should be able togiven the option to choose whenever they want to stop their working life. However, it depends on personal situation and occupationalcapabilities and reasons .
We cannot arguedeny that people in elderly age group people have gained an invaluable experience and knowledge in their respective professions . These expertise can be benefit to their teams , work and organizations . Doctors , for instance, take many years to develop their expertise over many years that helpto be able to diagnose their patients' symptoms more precisely. As a consequenceresult , most of the time we find that senior doctors who are in senior level are more confident and effective in diagonising and treating can cure or help their patients quicker thancompared to those who are newly graduatedsor junior doctorsand less experienced . Thus, elderly in some professional careersshould be able to use their expertise and feel being valuedwhere the expertise play a vital role, the retirement age should not be restricted to a particular age. If such professionals have the option of deciding when he or she should retire the society can recieve their services for a longer time for the betterment of all the people.
Thanks, dumi! I'll do the rest:
Indeed is 1 word, not 2 words:
Indeed, people aged over 60 could feel worthless if they have to stay out of work.----Good sentence!
In case of Some people, for example, who are dedicate and have been working hard for the whole of their life, many research studies show that before reaching the age of 60 these people face emotional problems after retirement, such as anxiety.
Nonetheless, though the elderly people have a lot more experience than the young people have, not every occupation could have the elderly for work be appropriate for the elderly.
Clearly, it is true that expertise and skills are important to achieve the best outcome, but some careers require new generations who have more energetic energy, are stronger and faster, or are able to use new technology.
I agree!
Thank you so much, Dumi and EF_Kevin.
I'll keep practicing.
